Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma
by Spirit Evolution
Summary: "Where the f*** did that b*****d go? I’m tellin' ya man, he's gonna get his fat-ass eaten by somethin' and I ain't gonna be the one wadin' through stomach fluids to haul him back o-…Dude. Did I just step in something?" Chapter eight up!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma

**Pairings:** HieixOC **plus** _KuramaxBotan _**and **_YusukexKeiko _**and** **some unrequited **_KuwabaraxYukina_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho; I do own Lydia and the story...As well as any _other_ OC's I manage to create.

**

* * *

Chapter One: Therapy, Anyone?**

'_I…Find you…Tolerable, Onna.'_

It had been three whole years since my kidnap and near death experience at the hands of a cult organisation known at the time as E.M.O; where my wrists had been slit in order to obtain the unusual mix of ningen and demon blood that was needed in order to open the gates between Makai and Ningenkai. Yes, I had almost died that day, weak from blood loss and the energies that it took to stave off the end of the world as we had known it then.

One would think that I would have been psychologically damaged in some way from those strange occurrences- To be truthful, you would have been right. I had been only sixteen at the time, a High school student with dreams of becoming a doctor, (though nobody knew of my dreams back then, apart from me and my faithful Hamtaro plushie) when I was thrust into the supernatural world of demons and Spirit Detectives constantly caught in a battle for dominance.

But here I am, three years later at the age of nineteen, _trying_ to fend off the rumours that I was a religious 'cutter' hell bent on my own destruction through violent means.

"I am _not_ going to off myself!"

My voice ricocheted off of the cream walls of the college counsellor's office, the pitch high and the tone extremely pissed off.

This was the _seventh_ time I had been called in by Mr. Takanaka, Yamazuka's student counsellor, purely based on the fact that I had _two_ vertical scars on both of my wrists. Of course, _nobody_ would have guessed them to have been an accident! I could have easily fallen on some glass, throwing my weight onto my arms to save myself a mortal injury. Or I could have been offered as a sacrificial lamb in order to bring around an Apocalypse of epic proportions.

But no- The just _had_ to believe I was trying to kill myself over something or other.

"Miss. Takeshima, please restrain yourself! You outburst is attracting unnecessary attention."

I snorted at that, and cast a sidelong glance at the glass plated door that led out of the office; my eyebrow raising at the two secretaries whom were busy fighting each other in hopes of being the first to witness one of my violent tantrums. Rolling my eyes, I threw myself back into the leather chair that was directly opposite the counsellor, my arms folded across my now developed chest.

"Why do you insist on calling me in here, once every few weeks?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at the college official. "Have I given you any indication that I could be even _remotely_ suicidal?"

I was met with a calm silence. Mr. Takanaka pasted a serene smile on his face and clasped his hands together atop the worn oak of his desk. Despite this false display of bravado, I noticed the barely imperceptible twitch of his bushy moustache, and the beads of sweat that threatened to cascade from his greying temples to his double chin.

"Well, you have been rather violent as of late;" he murmured, fingering the worn manila of my college file. "I believe you gave…Mr. Johnson was it?… A black eye and a busted lip for a small misunderstanding."

I gaped in outrage at that.

"A _small_ misunderstanding? The bastard grabbed my ass! Then asked if I 'wanted to have breakfast with him' after spending the night in his dorm!" I seethed, my face turning an angry red at the memory.

"…And that you…" Here he paused, slipping a piece of paper from the open file, glancing over it's contents briefly before continuing; "…Have become rather melancholy due to these unrequited feelings you have for the aforementioned Mr. Johnson. He is rather distressed that you'd 'harm yourself'."

This was beyond ridiculous. Taking a deep, yet calming breath, I began to mentally count backwards from infinity- Yes, my patience had thinned _that_ much over the last three years. I had become far less tolerant of characteristics I had found displeasing; becoming rather waspish and aloof as a result of it.

Gritting my teeth once I'd reached a count of one thousand, I spoke.

"That conceited ass! _He's_ the one with all the hormones! I'm not interested in the least, and when I told him that, he called me a frigid dyke. The _last_ thing I'd do, is harm myself over that muscle head."

Mr. Takanaka regarded me silently, his hands folded beneath his chin, and elbows resting on the edge of his desk. I hated it when he looked at me like that- As if he were somehow trying to worm his way into my head to see what wasn't broken before attempting to 'fix' it. Knowing him, he'd probably do more worse than good, as I'd almost gone insane a time or two in his presence. He was utterly infuriating.

"Look…" I added, after a pregnant pause, heavy with tension; "Y'see these?" I raised my arms and shunted the sleeves up a tad so that he could see the scars on my wrists. "_These_ were an accident. I fell on some glass when I was younger- You can even ask my doctor. So would you _please_ keep your 'I want to help you' bullshit to yourself? I'm not going to kill myself now…Or ever."

His eyes flickered to my wrists, then back to my face. Still he said nothing. Perhaps he was dumbstruck? Hopefully he would stay that way until my graduation.

"Now, if you're done…" I rose to my feet, dusting the seat of my jeans off out of habit; "I've got a Biology mid-term to cram for. So if you'll excuse me."

Without giving him a chance to reel me back in with another of his 'theories', I slipped my backpack over my shoulder and exited the room as fast as was humanly possible; almost bowling over the interested secretaries who had been listening intently at the door up until then.

"Ladies…" I murmured, nodding my head apologetically as I shoved them out of my way.

Once I had cleared the second set of double doors that led out into the communal hallway, I was immediately joined by none other than Kuwabara Kazuma. His arm slung over my shoulders, and he directed me towards the college canteen with ease, as I had long since grown out of the habit of throwing him over my shoulder in surprise.

"Kuwa-chan…" I grunted in greeting, my shoulders sagging slightly under the weight of his muscular arm.

The carrot top gave me a goofy grin, his hand twisting in such a way to be able to muss my already messy hair.

"Lydia- You seem t'be in a good mood today," he teased, when he knew all too well that I was inwardly fuming, despite the cool façade I had adopted.

"Oh yes, because hanging out in Takanaka's office talking about my 'infatuation' with Johnson and how his rejection of me is now causing me to become mildly suicidal is something to be happy about," I growled in response.

He laughed, and shunted me through the last set of double doors, steering me towards our usual table. Unfortunately, there were people _occupying_ it today. My mood dropped several notches. A glance at Kuwabara told me that he wasn't too thrilled about this development either, and he removed his arm from my shoulders, one fist rubbing into the palm of his opposite hand. Knuckles cracked, and a glint appeared in his eyes.

There was going to be trouble, I just knew it.

"Hey there ol' buddy…" he said, slipping behind one weedy looking kid. "Wouldja be a pal, and give the lady your seat?"

The weedy one shifted in his seat, sending Kuwabara an irritated look.

"Look, we were here first. Get your own table," he retorted boldly, much to the delight of his snickering friends.

I rolled my eyes, a hand rubbing absently at my temple. The kid's attitude would only get him into trouble…Why couldn't the newbies learn the place? We were a year their senior, it was only natural for them to vacate the table when asked, _nicely_ I might add by a senior.

Kuwabara's expression flickered into one of mild shock, before he adopted his bad-ass look. Those knuckles of his flexed and cracked, before one meaty hand grasped the kid by the front of his shirt, hoisting him easily into the air.

"I don't think ya heard me, kid…" he stated, his voice calm. "This _is_ our table, and _you're_ sitting in it. That presents a problem."

Wow, knuckling down at school really _had_ changed Kuwabara's speech. I was mildly impressed; though I knew he'd get a good ribbing from Yusuke should he come back from Makai and heard him. Perhaps he was hanging out with Red too much…

"What's going on over here?"

Shit! That nasal twang could only belong to Reynold, the student body president. If Kuwabara was caught roughing up a junior, he'd be in for it this time, Reynold would make sure of it. Deciding to cut this short, I stepped between the two boys, my had resting lightly on Kuwabara's outstretched arm.

"Kuwa-chan…" I interceded smoothly, shooting a backward glance over my shoulder. Yup, the brunette was weaving his way through the heavily crowded tables, his scowl easy to see. "You're being a little heavy handed with him, don'tcha think?"

I cocked my head to the side, signalling the approach of the student president. I just received a blank look and a grunt. I took my fourth calming breath of the day, and forced a sweet smile onto my lips.

"Hey…I'm sorry I didn't catch your name…?"

I turned to the weedy kid, and he offered me a shaky grin.

"Sarutobi."

"…Yes, Sarutobi." I turned to use my puppy dog eyes to my complete advantage. Soon he would be putty in my hands. Mwah! "This has been our table since we started…And I'm not having the best of days, so could you _please_ park your ass somewhere else?"

Another look over my shoulder had me tensing for the inevitable verbal spar between me and Reynold. Shit. I really didn't have the patience to deal with him today. Flashing my most dazzling smile that I could muster at that moment, I disengaged Kuwabara's hand from the front of Sarutobi's shirt, making a big show of smoothing it out.

He blushed under the onslaught of my attention, and he stuttered out that he would be more than happy to move; and that they'd already finished their lunch anyway. Of course he needed to use a forceful tone and a sharp nudge to get the group moving, and soon enough our table was free.

"…They moved for you? I see how it is. Just because you have boobs."

I laughed softly at the mock pout, and patted him consolingly on the arm, before taking my rightful seat at our claimed spot. I frowned slightly as a thin shadow fell over _my_ side of the table, and from the scowl that contorted Kuwabara's ugly mug, Reynold had finally made it across the lunch hall.

"Takeshima, Kuwabara;" he greeted, casually slipping into the last available seat, one of those creepy as hell smirks on his face.

"What d'ya want, creep?" I bit out, stretching my hand out for the apple Kuwabara had recently removed from his knapsack.

"Is that any way to greet a friend?"

He leant forward, his hand slipping atop my free one. Twitching, I snatched my hand back, repulsed.

"The only way we'd be friends, is if it'd turned out to be 'Be Nice To Freaks' day," I retorted, sarcasm heavy in my voice.

Kuwabara made a mock display of thumbing through his worn college planner, pausing thoughtfully on today's date.

"Nope…It does say that it's 'Pot Luck Meat' day though;" he replied, gagging at that.

Reynold's smirk remained in place, though his shoulders had tensed somewhat.

"Now I'll ask again…What d'ya want? You're wasting valuable face-stuffing time here."

"I was just wondering why your peers were in such a rush to leave is all…" he murmured silkily.

I merely shrugged, taking a giant chunk out of my apple, chewing slowly.

"We asked if we could sit here, and they vacated the table as they'd finished eating," I explained, absently licking the juice that had spilled out onto my finger.

Kuwabara nodded, and began to attack his Super-Dooper-Awesome-Meat-And-No-Veg baguette that his sister had so kindly prepared for him that morning. As I had neglected to bring my own lunch, I snatched his lunch bag and began rummaging around for something…That could satiate my carnivorous side.

"Aha! I _knew_ she'd pack this!" Triumphant, I retrieved a leg of chicken wrapped delicately in cellophane. "Ah, Shizuru! How I love thee!"

Reynold who had been forgotten about up until then, coughed into his hand to gain my attention. With a mouthful of greasy chicken, I arched a brow enquiringly at him. I opened my mouth to ask what he wanted, and when he caught sight of the food currently being digested on my tongue, he paled and backed up.

"Actually…I think we'll catch up later. I have a sudden urge to dry heave."

And he was gone in a flash, leaving a lonely wind to swirl around his now empty seat.

Swallowing, I turned to Kuwabara. "Was it something I said?"

He shrugged, and we went back to eating our shared meal in peace.

* * *

Cracking open the door to my newly leased student accommodation, I groaned and shuffled in with my shoulders slumped and my eyes barely open.

"Lydia, is that you?"

The perky voice had a tired smile curling my lips, and I made my way over to the kitchen after toeing off my boots and leaving them by the front door.

"Honey, I'm home!"

Keiko spun around from her task of fiddling with the dials on the cooker, beaming her pleasure at my untimely return from college. I leant casually against the jamb, my arms folded across my chest in a pose that was reminiscent of my wandering fire demon.

Noticing my slight fatigue, she ushered my to a seat at the breakfast bar with a soft cluck of her tongue.

"Lydia- You look like death! You work yourself _way_ too hard!" she admonished as she bustled around the kitchen in order to make me some much needed tea.

I bet you're wondering why I'm living with Keiko now, huh? Well, after Hiei had left three years ago, Kurama and Yusuke had also disappeared a few months after for some reason that eludes me at the moment.

Drawn to each other in our time of need, Keiko and I had forged a relationship based on our love for demons and Spirit Detectives. We had hung out after school, as at that time we were attending different ones; weekends were solely ours, along with the company of Yukina and on a slightly rarer basis, Botan. Usually it was just the two of us.

Once we'd reached our last year in High School, we both decided to enrol in the same college for fear of being split up. That summer, Yusuke and Kurama returned- Though this did not change our plans. Just before the start of our first semester as college students, we put the money we'd saved together to rent out an apartment close to campus- And we continued to go halvsies on everything, due to the part-time jobs we both worked.

And now here we are!

Keiko deals with the domestic stuff; cooking…Cleaning…And I…Just loafed around. She was used to it from previously hanging around Yusuke and his permanently drunk mother, so our arrangement suited us fine.

"What shift are you working tonight, Keiko?" I asked, as she placed a cup of herbal tea in front of me.

"Hmn? Oh! I'll only be doing a few hours this evening, waiting on the tables and such," she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

I blinked.

"So you'll be finishing at what time? I'll swing by in the car and pick you up."

Yes, we had a 'car'…Though few would call it as such. It was a hunk of prehistoric junk that was a bitch to start up on cold, or relatively wet mornings. The locks were retarded; in order to secure both doors, the passenger had to lean over to the driver's side and push the lock down…Then crawl out her own side and do the same with the passenger lock. Once the door were shut, the locks activated properly until I unlocked them again the next day. The radio rarely worked, and sometimes the breaks would give out…

We both paled at a similar memory when that had occurred.

"N-no! It's alright, I'll walk home! Besides…" she added, wringing her hands with a slight blush on her cheeks. "Yusuke's coming by to see me."

I grinned slyly.

"Will he be getting any action tonight?"

Keiko squealed and punched me lightly in the arm, her blush intensifying.

"How lewd! I swear, he's rubbing off on you every time he comes around!"

I giggled good naturedly, and she glanced at her watch.

"Oh! I'm going to be late…The soup is simmering on the stove, and it'll be a few more minutes until it's ready! Try _not_ to burn down the house," she informed me as she raced around in search of the last minute things.

Keys…Wallet…Tampons…

Slinging her purse over her shoulder, and giving herself one last glance over in the full length mirror, she paused momentarily at the front door.

"Oh! And Kurama called- He needs you to call him back when you're not busy. I'll see you later!"

And she was gone in a whirl of subtle perfume and hairspray, leaving me to stare after her, long after she had left. Wait…Perfume?

"Oh, he's _definitely_ getting some," I mused with a perverted grin.

Slipping from my stool, I padded over to the cordless phone we kept on the kitchen wall, and swiftly punched in the familiar number that would ultimately lead to a much needed conversation with my favourite redhead.

"_Moshi, moshi! Kurama desu!"_

I rolled my eyes at the formal greeting as I walked over to the now frothing soup boiling happily on the stove.

"Kurama, don'tcha ever look at your caller ID?"

"_Lydia! It's so good to hear from you! How's college?"_

Ah, the same old fox. Always asking after school first, rather than after me. I told him how it was going at college, absently stirring the orange goop in the pan. _This_ was soup? Once I'd gotten to the 'discussion' with Mr. Takanaka, I could hear the displeasure in his voice.

"_You're still having problems with that?"_ At my murmur of assent, he continued, his voice exasperated. _"It's been three years…I don't see why they think you need therapy. Anger management perhaps, but not psychological help."_

I snorted dryly. "Thanks for that. Anyway, have you heard from Hiei yet?" I tried to keep the hopeful tone out of my voice.

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and I could hear his sigh.

"_No. He's probably still patrolling Mukuro's borders for signs of humans who had unerringly stumbled into Makai. She's keeping a pretty tight leash on him, seeing as she has named him her heir."_

I scowled. Yes, I knew who Mukuro was- Though the first time I'd heard her name, I had felt a geyser of green-eyed jealousy; but later found out that Hiei had no romantic interest in her. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for the demon lord.

"She better be keeping her hands to herself." I grumbled.

"_I'm pretty sure she is. Hiei isn't interested."_ Kurama replied soothingly, attempting to smooth out my ruffled feathers.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked, a flash of recollection illuminating the cobwebs in my tired mind.

"_Hmn?…Oh yes! Genkai wants us to have a small get together at the temple, and seeing as your due for a mid-term break after your exams, we thought it would be best to schedule it for then. Botan and Koenma will be there of course…As well as a few demons you haven't met before."_

I visibly brightened at that, and assured him that I would be more than happy to attend.

"_Alright. It'll be held next Saturday. I'm sure Yusuke and Keiko will direct you there, so it'll be smooth driving the whole way."_

"…Drive?" I echoed faintly- I was terrified of my car. Then an idea struck, and I couldn't help the smirk that sprung to my lips. "Would you like us to pick you up? Saves you the train fare."

**"_Are you sure? I don't want to be an added burden."_**

"Kurama…I'd be honoured to drive you to Genkai's shindig…I'm sure we also have room for Kuwabara and Shizuru too!"

**"_Alright! Well, you know where I live. Pick me up around nine?"_**

"Sure thing, Red. I'll see you then, alright?"

He murmured his goodbyes, and I hung up.

Hehe…I was going to have _all_ of them at my mercy! If I had to drive up there, I'd be taking them with me, gosh darnit! And with that bright thought in my mind, I poured the soup into a ceramic bowl and quickly brought it to my lips- effectively downing the entire contents in a few practiced gulps.

Glancing at the clock, I knew Keiko wouldn't be back anytime soon; so I waltzed off to the living room and settled in for the night with the DVD of King Kong and a box of tissues.

* * *

**Spirit:** The not-so-long awaited sequel to Legally Sane has arrived! This was basically the introduction and background chapter- And yes, Keiko will be featured a lot in this, as well as Shizuru and Botan (some Yukina...Depends). I like _all_ of the Yu Yu Hakusho women! So sue me. Anyway, everyone knows the drill_...Constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma 

**Pairings:** HieixOC **plus** _KuramaxBotan _**and **_YusukexKeiko _**and some unrequited** _KuwabaraxYukina_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho; I do own Lydia and the story...As well as any _other_ OC's I manage to create.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Two: Are We There Yet?**

The week passed me by in a blur of exams and late-night cram sessions; and when Friday finally rolled around, I was more than happy to crash on my couch with some Chinese take-out and a romantic chick flick with my roommate Keiko.

Unfortunately, I had work.

"You want fries with that?"

I stood there with one hand on my hip, the other holding a battered order taking notebook- trying in vain to avoid the groping hands.

"No- But I'd like a side order of those juicy melons of yours…" came the slick reply from a nameless jock with messy brown hair and blue eyes; which were now staring quite openly at my chest.

I restrained the urge to bop him one on the nose. For the love of God! Sometimes I wished I'd never developed; I missed my flat chest and narrow body because _nobody_ found me attractive and therefore I was left alone. This was one of those times.

"I'm _not_ on the menu!" I snapped, taking a large step back with a hand tugging down the obscenely short skirt I was forced to wear as part of my waitress uniform.

The group of lads snickered quietly, one of them going so far as to clap a friendly hand onto the offending jock's shoulder in a sign of support. I growled at that, my hand balling into a fist.

'_Calm down, Lydz…Now is not the time for putting hormonal teenagers in their place! Remember what happened at Burger World!'_

Yes- Who could forget the fiasco at Burger World? My violent antics had gotten myself _and_ Keiko fired, and we were almost out on their ears that month due to funds being so low that we couldn't afford to pay the rent. Luckily enough, Yukina had stepped in with some tear gems she'd kept stowed away after watching King Kong with us that one time.

Taking a calm breath, I smiled winningly at them.

"I'll be right back with your orders, gentlemen."

And with that, I spun on my heel and flounced off towards the kitchen; pausing as the swinging door swung open to reveal Keiko and an armful of fast food. I winked at her, and she smiled back.

"How's it going?" she called out above the cheesy music.

"As good as can be expected," I replied, and after sharing a sympathetic look, we went our separate ways.

"Yo! Alvin!" I yelled, slamming the door behind me as best I could- Only for it to swing outwards, narrowly missing a patron. Oops.

"What?" came the cranky reply.

I peered through the greasy smoke, my hand above my eyes.

"I need two Big One's with fries and coleslaw! Make it snappy…The quicker I give it to them, the quicker I can serve everyone else and avoid them like the plague."

Alvin laughed, and soon enough his brawny physique came into view. His lank orange hair stuck up at odd angles from beneath his paper 'chef's' hat, his jaw smothered in three day old stubble and nicotine stained teeth a-glitter.

He was a nice guy, despite his unattractiveness.

"Two Big Ones comin up!"

I smiled at him, and pranced back outside, ready to serve the rest of the customers, my good mood restored. I raced from table to table; clearing up messes, entertaining hell spawn and helping the indecisive patrons with their orders.

The first hour passed by in a haze of cigarette smoke and loud chatter, and by that time my feet had begun to ache and my head was pounding like hell. That was probably why I hadn't noticed a certain someone entering the diner and soon enough, I found a beefy arm wrapped around my waist, hauling me back into a muscular lap.

"What the hell?!" I squeaked, coming face to face with none other than Johnson. My expression soured.

"Well hello to you too, love," he murmured, trying to nuzzle into the crook of my neck. "Mmn…You smell good. Like freshly slaughtered pig and onion dip."

My eye twitched. "Thank you for such a…Unique compliment. Now would you mind not poking my ass with your Millimetre Peter? I'd be entirely grateful."

Johnson's cheeks flushed, and I immediately regretted my harsh words when his hand slipped into my hair, dislodging the curls from their sloppy confines. I winced as he jerked my face closer to his, though I couldn't help the sneer my lips curled into.

"How about I show you what I'm packin…" he offered, his tone rough with bravado.

I was about to politely decline, when I felt a new hand on my slightly bare shoulder. I glanced over it, my expression brightening when I saw Yusuke- Keiko standing just behind him with a spatula held like a sword.

"Oi teme…" he drawled lazily, "That's my _sister_ you're hitting on. I suggest ya let go before I get angry."

My grin grew as I caught Johnson's terrified expression, his hand unravelling from around my waist to point an accusatory finger dead in the middle of Yusuke's chest.

"Y-you're…Y-you're…"

"I'm…?" Yusuke arched an eyebrow, a cocky smile on his face.

"Urameshi Yusuke!"

"Bingo!"

I rolled my eyes, using this opportunity to slip out of Johnson's lax grip. My sneakers hit the worn linoleum and I sprang up next to Yusuke who immediately slipped his arm companionably around my shoulders. Keiko stood off to my left, her brown eyes glowing fiercely.

"I-I'm real sorry! I-it was just a misunderstanding!" Johnson babbled, sliding as far into the booth as was humanly possible.

"That better be _all_ it was, ya hear? And I swear, if she gets called into the counsellor's office _again_ cause of ya, I'll beat the livin tar outta ya? Understand?"

Johnson nodded, and I could see a visible moist patch slowly spreading around his crotch area. I averted my eyes, and snickered into my fisted hand. Keiko also saw, but didn't have the decency to hold her amusement in; she burst out into fits of laughter, clutching her stomach, and Yusuke snorted with mild disgust.

"C'mon girls. Ain't your shift finished yet?"

We nodded, and quickly shot off to the back to change; reappearing moments later in the generic jeans and sweatshirts. Yusuke walked us back to the apartment, and just before he left, he told us he'd be here the next morning.

"…Why?" I asked, confused.

"Don't tell me you forgot about the party at Genkai's place…" Keiko sighed in exasperation, a hand slamming against her forehead.

I blinked, then smacked my right fist into my left palm. "Oh yeah! But wait…That means I have to drive…"

We all paled, and blue sickness lines streaked down Yusuke's face; though he tried to be a man about it.

"Yeah…Well, I'll catch you hot ladies tomorrow!"

And then he was gone, leaving us to sweatdrop at his sudden departure. Well he _was_ sprinting down the street as if the hounds of hell were snapping at his heels…

"My driving isn't _that_ bad is it?" I turned to Keiko.

"…No, not your _driving_…It's just the _car_…" Keiko shivered, and we leapt into each other's arms as we glanced at the object of everyone's terror.

"Keiko…It's staring at us…" I whispered in horror.

"N-no it's not! It…" The front lights blared at us, then switched off again. "…Okay, your car just winked at us. I am formally freaked out."

My eyes widened and I shook my head swiftly, shuffling backwards into the apartment complex. When the crappy alarm system went off all by itself, I shrieked and threw myself into the building, scrambling frantically up the stairs with Keiko hot on my heels.

"Every man for himself!"

Needless to say, Keiko and I barely got any sleep that night.

* * *

The next morning was a bright one. The sun shone, the skies were a vivid blue and cloudless, and the breeze was balmy. Aah…How I love summer! Well, the _beginnings_ of summer- It gets ridiculous halfway through June. Seriously…Who likes having their shirt stick to their back while they stand as still as possible stinking up the place with uncontrollable body odour?

The only thing that dampened our mood was the car.

"Road trip! Who calls shotgun?!" I called as enthusiastically as I could, despite the sudden tick that had taken residence at the corner of my left eye.

When the only response I received was that same lonely wind, followed closely by a random tumbleweed, I glanced over my shoulder to see if my passengers were still there and hadn't by any chance chickened out.

Nope they were still there, but they were staring at my car with something akin to absolute panic. I laughed nervously, and performed a mock bow, my hands gesticulating at the hunk of junk behind me.

"Your chariot awaits yonder, Ladies and Gentlemen…"

Shizuru was the first to compose herself, and after lighting up, she sauntered over to the car, claiming the front seat.

"Hurry up you bunch'a chicken shits," she yelled over her shoulder, fiddling with a strand of brown hair. "If I'm man enough to call shotgun, then the rest of you can tough it out in the back seat."

Yusuke sighed and followed the older woman's lead, dragging a protesting Keiko behind him. Once he'd settled by the window on the right side, he slipped an arm around Keiko's waist.

"What's the worst that can happen, eh Keiko? I've died _twice_ already…I doubt this car will be the end of me…Or you." He added, trying to reassure my best friend.

So that left Kuwabara and Kurama- The latter deciding to drag his ass to my house for fear of me actually _forgetting_ him. What? It happens! I have a shitty memory.

"Kazu!" Shizuru barked commandingly when he refused to budge an inch, his face scrunched up as if he were constipated. "Get your ass in the car, or I swear you'll wish you hadn't woken up this morning!"

The carrot top swallowed thickly and shot into the car without a second thought. Damn…Shizuru could be a scary bitch when she wanted to be…_Especially_ when she smiled at me like that…Yes, I'm now officially scared.

"Lydia?"

The polite voice caught my attention, and I spun around to shoot Kurama a questioning look.

"Yeah?"

"There are no more seats," he pointed out gently.

Blinking, I turned back to give the interior of my car the once over. He was right…All the seats were occupied. So where the hell was I going to put the redhead? Scowling with consternation, I mentally shuffled the people around to find a solution to my problem. But no matter how many combinations I used, _somebody_ would be inevitably left out.

That is, until an idea popped into my head.

Kurama sweated nervously as he caught sight of my unsettling grin, and I quickly rounded the side of the car, popping the trunk.

"The solution, my friend!" I declared, waving a hand at the boot of my car. "You shall have the esteemed honour of riding bareback!"

Bareback in my language, is riding in a car without a seat or seatbelt. Nifty, huh? Of course the fox didn't seem to see it my way, and he paled.

"No," he stated simply, taking a cautious step back.

"Whaddya mean 'no'?!"

"I'm sorry Lydia…As much as I value our friendship…I value my life _more_."

Growling with frustration, I advanced on the older teen, my hands outstretched and ready to snag the front of his shirt. I'd drag him kicking and screaming to the car if needs be.

"Kurama, quit being a damn sissy!" Yusuke bellowed from his seat. "I can't believe the most ruthless and cut throat demon in Makai is _afraid_ of riding bareback in Lydia's car!"

"You only say that because _you_ don't have to!" Kurama retorted hotly, sidestepping my attempts at trying to grab him.

A few minutes passed with curses spilling effortlessly from my lips, as he easily evaded my efforts; though after a miscalculated step, he ended up falling _into_ my arms. I stopped him from making pretty with the asphalt, and hauled his squirming body over to the boot, thrusting him in and slamming the trunk lid. The locks automatically settled into place, and I smirked triumphantly.

"Ha! You shall suffer with the rest of us!"

My maniacal cackle drew many an uneasy eye, and I slid into the driver's seat once I'd subsided to insane giggles. I geared the engine, the car spluttering a few times before it finally caught. I shot everyone a reassuring grin, though I doubt they recognised it as such. Flooring the pedal, we lurched forward, then sped off towards the freeway; my friend's hysterical screams ringing in my ears.

"We're going to die!!"

* * *

"…I think I did something involuntary and messy in my pants…"

I grimaced at this, trying my best to fight the nausea that was roiling in the pit of my stomach. Ugh…I really shouldn't have eaten before our little voyage- And I think everyone else was thinking the same thing.

"So…That was what that smell was…" Keiko murmured faintly from the back, and I managed to peer at her via the rear-view mirror.

She looked like death warmed over…Hell _everyone_ did. Keiko's hair stood on end, her eyes wide and unfocussed, her body trembling from panic. Next to her, Yusuke didn't look much better; his usually gelled back hair had broken free from its chemical prison to shield his eyes from view, and his face was covered in sweat.

Shizuru had long since passed out. No I lie. She'd been knocked out when we had flown over a patch of unusual rocky terrain, and there was a large bruise forming around her left eye. Whoops…She was surely going to put me over her knee for this.

A soft whimper from way in the back drew my attention, and I shifted in my seat to get a better look, my eyebrow raising sharply at the sight before me.

Kurama sat there in the trunk, with his legs drawn to his chest and he was staring unblinkingly out the window. His hair had literally gone white- Whether that was _my_ doing or his natural instinct to let Yoko out when he was in trouble, I couldn't make out.

"…Lydia…Please stop…" Kurama mouthed, his voice barely above a whisper. "…You must be more careful…Lydia…"

"Holy shit, you broke Kurama!"

Kuwabara leaned over his own seat, passing a hand in front of the terrified teenager's face. When he received no response, he twitched.

"OLD MAN! GET OUT OF THE WAY! OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

I shrieked and popped the driver door open, launching myself out of the car and onto the grass. Shizuru jerked awake, and was twitching like a rabbit on crack, Yusuke had managed to drag a shuddering Keiko out of the other side, and Kuwabara tried his best to calm Kurama down.

After thirty _long_ minutes of trying to compose ourselves; with me struggling to pull my jeans up due to a severe spanking I had just received from a newly awakened Shizuru, we slowly ascended the million or so stairs that led to Genkai's mountain retreat.

"Hey…Kurama? How're you holding up there buddy?"

I'd lagged behind _specifically_ to hang around the poor redhead. He looked a lot better now; his hair had gone red again, and his face had regained some of its healthy colour, but he was glaring daggers at me. Uh-Oh…

"I've lost my dignity, _and_ my lunch…How do you think I feel?" he replied, tone cold.

"Aw c'mon! It's a normal reaction…I'm pretty sure Hiei would've done the same thing if he were in your shoes," I offered, patting his arm in a consoling manner.

He snarled at me, and sped up the last few steps, leaving me in a cloud of dust.

"Well that went well…" I muttered, pouting some. "I wonder how long it'll take him to forgive me _this_ time."

Thrusting my hands into my pockets, I followed at a leisurely pace, knowing full well that I was in the doghouse with the lot of them, despite Keiko pleading on my behalf. Yes, my car was a menace to society…But I had offered them _all_ a ride, with the full knowledge that they could all have been killed.

To be honest, the trip had started out alright. Everything worked, including the radio! I thought we'd get through it _without_ a problem. When we reached Hangman's Drop, I retracted my earlier thought. Now you can probably guess what type of a road Hangman's Drop _was_…It was a bloody thirty foot hill that went down for _miles_ and consequently, was the last stretch before we reached our destination. I slowly ascended from the other side, pausing right at the edge to check that everything was in working order. Once I was satisfied, and Shizuru had validated it…I was given the go ahead to descend the 'Drop'.

Halfway down, Kuwabara had looked out of the window, stating that it seemed we were getting faster, and had asked me to slow down a bit. Nodding, I had pressed my foot lightly against the break pedal. Nothing happened. Keiko was the second to tell me to cool down my road rage…So I floored the breaks this time. Still, we continued on at a breakneck speed. It was only then that I had realised.

The breaks had given out.

Really, we were _lucky_ that we'd gotten out of it unscathed! Once we had reached the flat land, and our voices were hoarse from hysterical screaming, the breaks had magically come to life, and the car had come to shuddering halt a few hundred feet from the stairs that led to Genkai's temple.

"Lydia, move your ass! We have people for you to meet!"

Genkai's rough voice called to me from where she stood on the porch, her hands clasped tightly behind her back and her frizzy pink hair dancing in the breeze.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm coming!" I yelled back, quickening my pace.

Well…Hopefully the meeting would go as planned; I didn't want a repeat of the 'Kurama is a woman' fiasco of three years ago. Sigh.

* * *

**Spirit:** Haha...I was watching Azumanga Daioh when I came up with this chapter xD Love it? Hate it? Lemme know! Lol...Well thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and y'all know the drill. _Constructive_ criticism is welcomed, and so are **complimentary** reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Legally Sane 2: Pyschological Trauma

**Pairings:** HieixOC _with_ YusukexKeiko _as well as_ KuramaxBotan **_and some unrequited_** KuwabaraxYukina

**Disclaimer:** Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not!

**Shout Out!:** Thanks to **Black Wolf Jaganshi**for helping me through my writers block, and giving me a cool way to introduce Hiei back into the fic! Much love!

**

* * *

****Chapter Three: Confiscated Sweet Snow and Stolen Kisses**

Well…This was unexpected, I must say. No sooner had I cleared the first set of sliding doors that led to the temple's meeting area, I found myself smothered into a hairy chest that reeked curiously of alcohol.

"Mmph-…!"

Yup, and I'm afraid to say, I was rapidly running out of the required amount of oxygen one needed in order to sustain one's life. I squirmed feebly in the big guy's arms, completely oblivious to the movements of his _hands_. Well…I was up until the point one of them grabbed a handful of my ass.

Shrieking with rage, I managed to un-stick my face from the front of his chest, jamming my forearms into his stomach to provide enough space for my knee to rise and hit an…Awkward place. My attacker groaned, clutching frantically at the place I'd recently abused, and he keeled over moments later, curling himself into the foetal position.

"That wasn't…Nice…" he wheezed, his weather-beaten face convulsing with pain.

I flipped him the bird with one hand, the other busy trying to remove the wedgie the asshole had created with his wandering meat hooks.

"Nice?" I echoed, my eyes flashing. "I'll show ya nice! Right when my foot takes up permanent residence in your _ass_, you jerk!"

Huffing softly, I folded my arms across my chest and turned to face the rest of the guests. They all stared at me as if I'd grown an extra head, each of them cupping their crotches in sympathy. Well, everyone _except_ Kurama- It seemed he had enough manners to refrain from touching himself, though he _did_ grimace empathically. I scowled. What? Wouldn't _they_ have done the same thing if _they_ were molested by a complete stranger?!

"What?!" I snapped, tapping my bare foot on the floorboards impatiently.

"Heh, nothin…" Yusuke replied, rubbing a finger under his nose thoughtfully. Ew…Hadn't his hand been clutching his groin a moment ago? "Just wonderin why you feel the need to knee a guy in the balls is all. A slap to the face would've done the job just as well."

I blinked, gasping in outrage!

"The guy _molested_ me! He invaded my personal space…Rubbed his sweaty chest against my face _and_ had the gall to grab my ass!"

Keiko seemed to agree with my reasoning, and jammed her elbow into her boyfriend's gut. He fell over with a grunt of surprise, landing flat on his back. I snickered briefly, sending the rest of them my evil eye. Yes, I can be _just_ as scary as Dwarf-chan if I wanted to be! That was when I noticed five _other_ boys I hadn't had the pleasure to meet.

Pleasure, you ask? They were all so damn _hott_ it couldn't be bloody legal! Of course, they all paled in comparison to my beloved Hiei…But as long as I didn't _touch_ I supposed looking wouldn't hurt, right?

Kurama made the introductions of course, trying his best not to stand too close to me, and whenever I caught his eye…Well it would flash a discontented gold which had me backing up a bit in alarm.

I can't believe he was _still_ mad.

"Well, it seems you've already met Chuu…" he began, and I glanced at the blubbering mass of muscle on the floor. "So now all that's left is…"

The fox began listing off names, his finger pointing from one demon to the next.

Jin; a bubbly redhead who seemed to have an eye for the ladies, or so Kurama said, took a step forward when his name was mentioned. Correction, he _floated_ forward until he was dangling mid air right in front of me, a cheeky smile on his face.

"Uhm…" I murmured, my eyes firmly focused on those wiggling pixie ears of his.

He merely cocked his head to the side, spinning slowly in the air until he was upside down. This totally reminded me of that awesomely romantic scene from SpiderMan and I squealed with delight as I grabbed onto his ears, tugging them this way and that.

"Hey now!" he howled in protest, his smile vanishing momentarily under my rough treatment. "Leggo of me ears there!"

"But they're so cute!"

"Leggo woman!"

"No!"

Yeah, the verbal match basically carried on like that, until I caught sight of little Rinku that is. The midget brunette was even _cuter_ than his blue eyed friend, and I immediately snagged him in my vice like grip. Fortunately for me, he didn't seem to mind all that much, and practically preened under my attention.

The last three were quickly rattled off in close succession; Touya the Ice Master with the frosty smile, Suzuki ( "The _beautiful_ Suzuki," Kurama swiftly corrected after being shot a particularly withering look from the blonde) and last but by no means least…Shishiwakamaru. My eyes widened fractionally when they fell on him.

"…What _is_ he?" I asked curiously, reaching up a hand to snag the little 'thing' by the backs of his robes. I brought him close to my face, an eyebrow arching despite his vehement protestations at being manhandled like that. "He looks like those creatures from Gremlins…Will he go all rabid if I get him wet, or feed him?"

Yusuke burst out laughing at that, and I'm proud to say I even got _Kurama_ to snicker quietly into his fist.

"I am _not_ a Gremlin!" he objected, folding his petite arms around his slightly rounded front. "I am the great Shishiwakamaru! Many females swoon when they see me…!"

"Buddy, I ain't swooning, and I am most _definitely_ female."

Shishiwakamaru continued to thrash within my grasp, his eyes promising dire retribution if I didn't release him immediately.

"Release me, you wretched human!" he snapped…And I mean _literally_ snapped.

I yelped when I felt sharp teeth dig into my index finger and dropped the creature like a hot potato. Shishiwakamaru immediately zoomed off, taking refuge on Suzuki's shoulder, all the while blowing childish raspberries at me. I whined, thrusting the injured digit into my mouth.

"What the fuck didja do _that_ for ya damn pixie?!" I growled around my finger, my eyes narrowing somewhat.

"Serves you right! How dare you manhandle the great Shishiwakamaru!"

'_I could easily sit on you, and nobody would mourn your death…'_ I thought bitterly. _"Yeah, when you least expect it…I'll park my ass right on top of that fat head of yours! SMUSH!'_

I must've been foaming at the mouth, or something equally disturbing, as Kuwabara waved a hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"You had this _real_ creepy grin on your face…"

I rolled my eyes and snorted, my eyes alighting on a certain mint haired darling rounding the corner with a plate filled with finger food.

"Yukina-saaaa…ACK!"

Kuwabara tumbled face first to the floor, courtesy of my 'misplaced' foot, and I pranced ahead of him with my arms outstretched.

"Yuuuuukiiiiiinaaaa!" I squealed, everything seeming to slow down momentarily.

Yukina beamed brightly at me, and quickly shoved the plate into Genkai's hands (she'd appeared with Yukina, but I hadn't taken any notice…), quite ready to receive my bone crushing hug.

"Lydia-san!"

"I missed you!" I declared, wrapping her slightly smaller frame in my enthusiastic embrace.

"Yukina-san is _my_ delicate ice flower!" Kuwabara yelled from his spot on the floor. "So why does _Lydia_ get all the love?!"

"Because I'm me, and I don't have a face like a smacked ass!" I called cheerily over my shoulder, earning a few giggles from Yukina and some hearty guffaws from the rest of the group.

"Kazuma…" Yukina admonished, "I haven't seen Lydia-san in almost three years!"

"Yeah! You're lucky I'm able to share." I paused, glancing at him. "But if you even _think_ of touching Hiei when he gets back, I will _not_ hesitate to castrate you."

The carrot top began squalling his protest at the _thought_ of him becoming a fruit for my beloved at the top of his lungs.

Apparently having grown tired of being ignored in her _own_ house, Genkai decided to draw our undivided attention to her person.

"If you're done acting like a bunch of pre-schoolers…" she snapped, her voice harsh from too many years of shouting at various students, "I'd like to _eat_ before I die."

And with that said, she practically pushed the lot of us through another set of double doors that led to the dining room. I lagged behind, sidestepping the non to gentle shoving, as I had noticed that Chuu and Jin had formed a sort of…Circle with just the two of them. Plus a little Rinku trying to squirm his way between the tightly packed bodies to take a gander at something.

"Lemme see Chuu!" he whispered furiously, thrusting his shoulder between two well muscled thighs. (No, not _that_ way! Between Jin's thigh which was pressed against Chuu's…Wow, it still sounds wrong, no matter _how_ you look at it!)

"Now this ain't somethin for a scrap o' a lad like yer to be nosin around!" Jin stated firmly, nudging the brunette back a few steps with his hip.

"I'm fifty-four years old!" he retorted, "If I was a ningen, I'd be _old_!"

My mind boggled at that. Fifty-four years old? Rinku looked around the same age as my brother Keisuke, who'd turned thirteen last month. So if _he_ was fifty-four…Then how old was Jin? And Kurama? Oh the pain!

Chuu took a step to the side, inadvertently giving me a prime view of what the redhead and himself had been hiding from the runt. My eyes widened fractionally, and my mouth quirked into an excited grin.

Alcohol, my friends. They had smuggled _alcohol_ into this informal party!

I let out an excited gasp, and the three turned swiftly to pin me with disapproving glares. I clapped my hands over my mouth, and winced apologetically. Chuu and Jin glanced at each other, and nodded once before the redhead sent a charming wink at me.

"Keep mum!" he whispered as he slung an arm around my waist, slowly steering me towards the dining room with Chuu and Rinku in tow.

Hehe…This was going to be an _interesting_ night.

* * *

"I like big butts n I cannot lie!"

"Y-you otha brutha's jus can' deny!"

"When a g-girl walks in w-with an hic I-itty bitty waist…!"

"And a round thing in yo hic face you get s-sprung!"

I was officially plastered. Yes, so far gone was I, that I was singing the 'Big Butts Song' with Yusuke whilst straddling a slightly tipsy Kurama's lap. How I got there…Nobody knows!

The dinner had gone by without so much as a hitch- Not counting the moment when Shizuru had slammed her bare foot into our beloved Kuwabara's face when he got 'fresh' with Yukina. Poor darling didn't know what was going on, and had stammered something inaudible when Kuwa-chan had grabbed her hand and started kissing up it towards her elbow…

I love Shizuru so much. Haha…

"I l-love you too, Klutz-chan!" came the slurred response, and I turned my head to stare into slanted brown eyes.

Oops! Must'a said that aloud!

"W-wait hic! K-klutz-chan? What the f-fizzle?"

She merely giggled throatily in response, and practically fell on me. I toppled out of Kurama's lap, which despite his slimness was _extremely_ comfortable I'll have you know, and landed with a muffled **thud** on the hardwood flooring of the dojo.

"O-oh my!" I gasped mockingly, trying to disentangle my limbs from hers; "I didn't know you hic felt _that_ way a-about me! M-must be my s-sexy ass, ne?!"

"K-klutz-chan, you hic complete me!" Shizuru declared, clutching at the thin fabric of her shirt, where her heart was located.

"M-my heart b-belongs hic to another!"

Shizuru pouted, and I managed to rally up enough energy to shove her off of me; I was slowly being crushed to death don'tcha know? Lets remember, I'm only an inch or so taller than Yukina and Shizuru was about Kuwabara's height.

I flailed around on my back for a few moments, my feet trying to find purchase on the waxed floorboards as I couldn't find the strength to sit up, let alone the eyes to see where I was going. Everything was slightly blurred, and I swear…_Everyone_ had a twin. So was it any wonder that I ended up hugging Genkai's footstool thinking it was Toya?

"N-nobody un'erstans me!" I whispered conspiratorially to the footstool. "B-but you do, don'tcha Toy-kun?"

"_Toy-kun_?!"

I heard muffled giggles from my newly expanded circle of friends, and I grinned toothily.

"Y'know, this is kin'a borin', if'n yer know whut I mean…" Jin pointed out thoughtfully, hanging upside down in the air again.

"Oi, how'dja get up there…?" I squinted up at him in confusion.

"Magic, lassie!" Jin replied with a cheeky wink. "So, does any'ne know of a good game t'play?"

Out of _all_ the people I expected to come up with this particular prehistoric party game, Kurama had been the absolute _last_ on my list. I gaped wonderingly at him, as he managed to murmur 'Truth or Dare'- Amazed that his speech was crystal clear, unlike my own. Hadn't he had more to drink, than I had?

"Your tolerance must b-be shit hot, ne Kurama?"

Yay! I managed to talk without a drunken hiccup or slur! Perhaps my body was growing accustomed to the substantial amount of alcohol in my bloodstream.

So…That's how it started.

After five minutes of awkward shuffling, the lot of us had formed a…Strange shape, which I can't really name right now; I was sandwiched between Yusuke and Kurama, and the rest had somehow fanned out from the three of us. Jin, Toya, Suzuki (ahem _Beautiful_ Suzuki…Don't want him reading my mind and then attacking me for not thinking his name properly) Shishi-poo (Now in his…Larger and hotter form), Keiko, Yukina, Shizuru, Genkai, Botan, Koenma (Where the hell did _he_ come from? And damn he looked pretty delicious…BAD THOUGHTS!), Chuu and lastly Rinku and Kuwabara.

I never realised how many people there were.

The game didn't last for more'n an hour, it was pretty tedious…Though the dares were rather entertaining. Yusuke had to make-out with Kurama…Damn that was hot, and they were too far gone for it to bother them. Jin had to float upside down drinking sake; Genkai had to sing Christina Aguillera's 'Dirrty' song with some lewd pelvic thrusts…Botan got to kiss Koenma, but it was rather awkward. I think she has feelings for someone else. I had to do a PG-13 rated strip tease (Only got down to my tshirt and panties.) And Yukina got to kiss Kuwabara (Courtesy of me!)

The rest were lame, and asked for truths. Now I never would've guessed that the _Beautiful_ Suzuki was actually a natural brunette; Chuu was a fan of books by Emily Bronte (Kurama had leant him one a couple of years back), Shizuru had _actually_ had a crush on some guy called Sakyo who had tried to bring about the infiltration of higher class demons to the Human Realm. Koenma has _never_ been in a relationship and Shishi-poo had a crush on Genkai- But he _insists_ that it was the younger version he'd had the pleasure of seeing. You can imagine the walloping he got from our beloved old-timer for _that_ comment. And Rinku…Darling Rinku confessed that he hadn't stop wetting the bed until he turned forty-eight. Aww…

It was some time later that we had all begun to relax; Yukina and Genkai had had the presence of mind to pull out a bunch of futons for all of us to rest on. Blankets were not needed, as it seemed we were all going to sleep together, and the heat of the evening coupled with our unique body heats was going to keep us warm throughout the night.

"Everyone get to bed!" Genkai snarled, and we were only too happy to do as we were told.

I hopped on top of a futon, and snuggled up next to Jin- He didn't seem to mind too much; I was female, and I had a nicely curved body now! I sighed deeply, slipping underneath one of his arms, and fell into a light slumber.

* * *

Three hours into the designated 'sleep time', my stomach decided to awaken me with a painful _squelch_.

"I'm _hungry_…" I whined feebly, my back pressed to Jin's. My stomach gave a particularly pathetic gurgle, and I clutched at it.

"Then go eat somethin'," Yusuke called out from…Somewhere.

"…Kurama…?" I called out hopefully.

"M'not now…" He grunted, and I shifted onto my elbows to ascertain where he was exactly.

Tehehe…He was snuggled up with Botan on the furthest futon. I _knew_ she had a crush on someone! Looks like he returned those feelings…I'll bug her about it later.

I sighed deeply, the reality finally sinking in. If I wanted something, I'd have to get it myself. Bummer.

"Lydia-san? Do you want me to go with you? I'm sure you don't know where we keep the food."

Ah, Yukina! My saviour! I nodded gratefully, and she slipped out from beneath Kuwabara's meaty arm. She wasn't nearly as inebriated as the carrot top, and apart from the groan of protest he uttered, he remained otherwise silent.

The two of us snuck over various bodies, careful not to tread on anything vital, soon appearing by the main sliding door that opened out onto the hallway that ultimately led to the kitchen. My eyes met innocent crimsons, so reminiscent of my absent fire demon that it caused a whimsical smile to quirk the corners of my mouth.

"Lead on, fair maiden!"

"Hai!"

Yukina grasped my hand in her slightly smaller one, dragging me down the corridor, and then slipping quietly into the door on the far left. The kitchen! She flipped the lights on, and toddled over to one _huge ass_ fridge freezer combo, and popped open the door.

"Hmn…What do you feel like eating, Lydia-san?"

I met her enquiring glance with a light shrug.

"Have you got anything cold and sweet?" I knew I was pushing it, but knowing Yukina…She _had_ to keep some of that yummy goodness for whenever a certain someone decided to pop in.

A slow smile lit up her face, and she nodded vigorously.

"You're just like Hiei-san," she murmured, rummaging around in the back of the freezer compartment, the air becoming visible as cold met warm.

Moments later, and I was cradling an enormous tub of chocolate chip Hagen Daas, my eyes tearing up with pleasure and excitement. She could have been real stingy and ended up buying one of those…Supermarket own brands crap that they were pawning off these days. 'Just as good as the well known brands' my fricken ass! They tasted bland compared to Hagen Daas…

"I think I'll leave you and your sweet snow alone, ne Lydia-san?"

I nodded happily, and parked my butt on the countertop, as Yukina departed with a soft; "Don't let Master Genkai see you on the counter…She'll get mad!" I waved her off, and popped the lid off of the chocolaty goodness, whilst my free hand rummaged around in the cutlery drawer, producing a spoon in no time at all.

"Itadakimasu!"

A sudden breeze flashed throughout the kitchen, and I gasped in shock. The net curtains at the window behind me flapped anxiously, covering my head in the ivory lace, and I fought with both hands to remove the visionary obstruction.

Wait…Both hands? Holy crap, did I drop the ice-cream?!

My eyes darted around me, and at the floor space beneath my feet. Nope…No chocolate ice-cream.

"What the he-…?"

I stuttered to a stop when I caught the familiar sight of black, white and crimson as it streaked across the room to the opposite side where it paused in a darkened corner. The breath clogged in my throat as the figure slowly turned around, seemingly conscious of _my _presence and sudden quiet that followed my cut off curse. My eyes widened, and I slowly slid down from the counter, the base of my spine firmly pressed into the edge.

Three long years. Three long years have passed with no sign at all of my fire demon…Yet there he stood, his hair as gravity defying as ever…His eyes as scarlet as they had always been…Slightly taller perhaps…And there, clutched in his arms was my tub of Hagen Daas ice-cream…But there was no denying it. It _was_ him- Whether or not it was a product of my over active imagination still remained to be seen.

I remained rooted to the spot, my tongue darting out to moisten my shock dried lips. If I spoke, would he disappear? If I took a step forward, would it turn out to be Yukina and the trick of the light?

Taking a deep breath, I did the only thing I _could_ do at that moment.

"Hello, Dwarf-chan." My smile took on a cocky tilt.

"Hn."

…I twitched.

"What the _hell_ kinda response is _that_? You haven't seen me for three freakin years, and you suddenly appear out of nowhere, steal _my_ chocolate ice-cream…And when I greet you, all you say is 'Hn'?!" I yelled, a stress pulse appearing at my temple.

My fists clenched, and I gritted my teeth with the surge of irritation that welled up in me. For the love of God, couldn't he have said something a bit more…Emotional?!

"Hn." He smirked. The bastard smirked!

I scowled darkly, and folded my arms across my chest.

"That's _my_ ice-cream." I stated after a moment of silence.

His eyes narrowed, and he clutched the tub possessively. "No. I think you'll find that this is _my_ sweet snow, Onna."

"Yukina gave it to _me_!"

"Hn. She bought it for _me."_

We glared at each other for a few moments; but I broke the eye contact with a sigh.

"Share?"

He grunted, and I slipped back into my original spot on the counter, Hiei hopped up next to me and placed the carton betwixt the two of us. We sat there in a comfortable silence, each taking turns with the single spoon I had provided as I was too lazy to grab another. Hiei didn't seem to mind all that much…Considering we'd had our tongues down each other's throats the last time we'd seen one another.

"So…" I murmured, breaking the quiet. Hiei glanced at me. "What brings you to the Ningenkai, Dwarf-chan?"

He shrugged his shoulders, his tongue darting out to trace the contours of his spoon. I sat there transfixed, and when he caught me staring, he smirked knowingly.

"Mukuro gave me some time off." He replied after another bite.

I mentally snarled at the name, but I think I did a pretty good job of _not_ allowing my jealousy to become visible on my face.

"Onna, what is that look for?"

Damn. I guess I was wrong.

"What look?" I feigned innocence. I wonder if I was any good at that…

"The look that promises a very painful death."

I tried to school my expression into something neutral.

"Onna, it's still there."

I gave up and scowled, remaining silent. I even turned away from him.

"_Onna_."

A bandaged hand had somehow found its way to my chin, and was busy jerking my entire face back into the fire demon's direction. My lids lowered, and I refused to look him in the eye. This only _mildly_ displeased him, as he pushed my head back as far as it would go, until my eyes met his.

"What?"

He regarded me in silence for a moment, and then his gaze softened, albeit slightly. My eyebrow rose, and a 'smile' appeared on his mouth.

"Onna, are you jealous?"

I choked at that, and shook my head vigorously after a minor pause.

"The fox says you are jealous of Mukuro."

That redheaded bastard! I'll kill him! _Nobody_ knows of my green-eyed monster when it came to Hiei and this…Mukuro person! My eye spasmed, and he let out a quiet chuckle- Which was very nice on the ears I might add.

"Onna…" he began, but realising that words probably _wouldn't_ cut it with me this time, due to his overly long absence and service to a certain Demon Lord, he merely leant forward and captured my lips in a searing kiss.

I was…Stunned.

His lips roved hungrily over my own, and I could taste the chocolate he'd just consumed on his tongue as it slipped past my lips and teeth, and became reacquainted with the inside of my mouth. I leant into the kiss, my pulse quickening and a throaty moan reverberating in the back of my throat.

It had been _far_ too long since our last make out session…But it seemed he was making up for lost time here.

His free hand slid under my tshirt, which I was still wearing despite all my dares, and was slowly making its way up my ribcage when…

The lights flickered to light, illuminating us in a compromising position. And if _that_ wasn't enough, the high pitched shrill of Kuwabara pierced through our mildly lust driven minds, and we sprung apart in shock.

"What the hell is _hamster legs_ doin here?!"

…Another perfect moment ruined. Great.

* * *

**Spirit:** Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter! And welcome back to all those reviewers from 'Legally Sane'; it means alot to me that the people who read and enjoyed my first story has come to read this one. Now due to popular demand, you finally got Hiei back- But what repercussions can we expect from their 'relationship'? Find out in the next installment of Legally Sane 2: Pyschological Trauma!


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma

**Pairings: **HieixOC _with some _YusukexKeiko **and** KuramaxBotan **_as well as some unrequited _**KuwabaraxYukina- The latter pairing may change in later chapters.

**Disclaimer:** Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not.

**Shout Outs!: **Thanks again to **Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover** for helping me out with _more_ ideas to help me overcome my writers block. I totally love you.

**

* * *

Chapter Four: Demon Tag and The Ultimatum****

* * *

**

Last Time:

_The lights flickered on, illuminating us in a compromising position. And if that wasn't enough, the high pitched shrill of Kuwabara pierced through our mildly lust driven minds, and we sprung apart in shock. _

"What the hell is hamster legs doin' here?!"

…Another perfect moment ruined. Great.

Chapter Four: Demon Tag and The Ultimatum

* * *

I can't believe this is happening. Out of all the questions I had been expecting, this was not one of them. 

"Why was Hiei's hand up Lydia's shirt? And why was she making that sound?"

Rinku's voice was unfortunately heard above the general hubbub that had broken the stunned silence between Kuwa-chan's arrival and the sudden alarm that was raised moments later.  
Kurama coughed politely into his fist, the other hand trying to find its way to the precocious child's mouth in order to stifle any more embarrassing questions.

Too bad everyone heard the first couple.

The entire group all glanced at Rinku; then turned their curious gazes to us. 'Us' as in me and Hiei. We were both still seated atop the counter, and the fire demon's hand was still up my shirt. How utterly mortifying. Quickly slapping his hand away, I slid off of the counter and created some distance…Only for Hiei to drag me backwards and into the space his spread legs had created. I guess he wasn't ready to let go of me so soon.

"Well y'see mate…" Chuu began, trying to think of a way out of not having to explain the 'Birds and Bees' to our delightful brunette.

Rinku shifted impatiently from foot to foot, eyeing the big man with irritation. When he didn't receive his answer fast enough, his eyes darted about the rest of the group suspiciously.

"Well?" he snapped, folding his arms across his pajama clad chest.

"Hn. I was trying to rub her chest," came the caustic reply, and I shot a look at the speaker.

I gasped, my cheeks blooming with mild humiliation. How the hell was I supposed to salvage my dignity? Before anyone had a chance to comment, my voice rang out- Hurried and slightly panicked.

"I had an itch!" I declared loudly, whipping around on my startled Koorime, my eyes daring him to disagree. "Hiei was scratching it for me, weren't you Hiei?"

Everyone's attention was now directed to the fire apparition, and he returned their looks balefully.

"Hn."

"Let me translate to all those who aren't fluent in Hieinese! Ahem- "Yes, Lydia is right, I was scratching her chest because she had an itch. Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you to Lydia for her helpfulness in translating my caveman-speak, and she-" Mmph!!"

A hand had somehow found its way to my mouth, and was effectively stalling whatever else I was about to say. I glanced over my shoulder to meet a pair of very pissed off, but hella sexy crimson eyes. I gulped audibly.

"Onna…" he began, his tone low and dangerous.

My eyebrow rose in response, and he slowly removed his hand so that I could breathe and answer coherently. His eye twitched, and his hand hovered dangerously above the hilt of his katana. I was in _deep_ shit…

"That, ladies and gentleman, is Hiei's famous threat; "I am going to kill you, in a long and excruciating manner. I give you five seconds to run." So, if you don't mind…GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

The last part of my sentence ended on a high pitched shriek, and as it had completely caught everyone unawares, they all sprung to the side instantaneously. For a brief moment, I felt like Moses at the parting of the Red Sea.

I darted out from between Hiei's legs, barely managing to dodge his lightening quick hands and hurtled out of the kitchen door, my feet slipping and sliding with my erratic movements across the newly polished hardwood flooring.

It was barely five seconds before I heard the duller thud of his own footsteps, and I glanced over my shoulder to see the fire demon hot on my heels. A bandaged hand shot out to snag the back of my sleeping attire, but luckily enough, I tripped over a forgotten sandal and sailed straight _through_ the paper doors that led out into Genkai's extensive training grounds.

"Kyaaaa!" I shrieked, the wind completely knocked out of me as I skidded through the freshly trimmed grass, until I came to a stop a few hundred yards from the main doors.

Slowly, I pushed myself to my knees, peering through the gap they created to see _everyone_ filing out onto the porch; including Hiei whom merely stood there with his arms folded casually across his chest and his mouth curling into a superior smirk.

"Clumsy baka Onna…" Floated over to me on the slight breeze, and I jumped to my feet and dusted myself off.

"Oh fuck _you_, you misguided munchkin!" I snapped back, flipping him the single fingered salute mockingly.

"Hn. I _might_ just take you up on that," came the reply, and his eyes took on a delightfully sinful sheen. "After I've punished you for your insolence."

A shiver of apprehension slid its way down my spine, and we eyed each other as a prey would it's predator and vice versa. This was an…Interesting way for our reunion to turn out.

He took a step forward, gauging my reaction; and in return, I took a step back. This continued for a few moments, until he was a couple of yards away, his gaze as calculating as my own. Would he step to the left, if I leapt to the right? Would he jump at me without preamble if I stepped forward?

I bit my lower lip indecisively, realizing that Hiei was in fact giving me an opportunity to dart off- I guessed he really enjoyed the chase and the challenge I would inevitably present despite my inferior speed and strength.

After a moment of deliberation, I feinted a step to the left, and then immediately leapt to my right whilst Hiei was following my earlier movement. His eyes widened, and I shot him a cocky wink as I began to sprint around the available space, weaving in and out of the trees, passing in front and behind the entertained onlookers…With Hiei trailing after me at a slightly slower pace and with Yusuke and Kuwabara's commentary ringing in my ears.

"Aaaaand they're off! Lydia is keeping a surprising speed considering she's a lazy slug…" Yusuke yelled into his fist, pretending it was a microphone." What are _your_ thoughts on this, Kuwabara?

"Either that, or the Shrimp is holding back!" Kuwabara chirped, mimicking his friend's pose.

I sped past the two in a blur, my hair whipping out of its constraint to flow out behind me.

"NOT HELPING GUYS!" I shrieked, barely managing to escape a particularly daring tackle from my crush.

"Y'know Kuwabara…That was probably the _most_ intelligent thing you've ever said," Yusuke praised, patting his friend on the shoulder with a condescending smile on his face.

"Y'think so, Urameshi?" The carrot top replied, also with a sappy grin curling his lips, his eyes closed. They popped open again soon enough, and he yelled at the top of his lungs; "Hey wait a minute! Are ya insultin me, Urameshi?!"

The brunette's gaze snapped from Kuwabara to our 'race', just in time to see my miscalculated sidestep and Hiei suddenly tripping and falling face first onto the ground with a jarring **thud**.

"Ooh! And a sharp turn by Lydia sends Hiei sprawling to the ground…No, wait. Is that _ice_?" Yusuke's voice that had held humour at Hiei's expense trailed off into mild incredulity, his eyebrow raising and his left eye twitching.

Everyone stared in confusion as the ground had turned from lush greenery into a frozen wasteland in a matter of seconds.

I skidded to a halt, almost falling over myself in the process. Frowning, I took in Hiei's sudden incapacitation, the poor demon trying in vain to stand upright so that he could continue this amusing game of cat and mouse. I bent over double, bracing my hands on my knees as I tried to regain the breath that I had lost. Damn, was I out of shape, or what?

"Uh…Where did all the ice come from?" I thought it important to ask, and everyone nodded in agreement.

"Sorry about that…" a cool voice spoke up, and I shot a look at the speaker. It was Touya. "But despite the advantages of seeing such a beauty scampering about scantily clad…I thought it a shame that she should be chased in such a callous manner."

I sweatdropped at that, my head falling forward in exasperation. A hand snagged around my ankle, and I let out a surprised screech as my entire body floated for a moment…Before landing solidly on my butt.

"Ow ya damn gerbil! What'cha do _that_ for?!" I snarled, fighting for some semblance of balance. "Ugh…I think I broke my ass."

Hiei merely chuckled, and swifter'n you can say 'Howdy doody!', had placed a heated, yet chaste kiss to my lips before flittering off. Everyone else began to pile back into the house just as dawn began to break, each mumbling something about too much excitement and too little sleep.

I remained where I was for a few minutes more, completely oblivious to the numbing affect the ice had on my tush; content to watch the sunrise. I had never really stayed up long enough to see it, and once I'd fallen asleep, nothing short of an atomic bomb being dropped on top of my neighbour's house would rouse me. So again, I wouldn't be able to see it.

The sky turned a dusky rose, streaks of flame red and intense orange fanning out from the east; a chorus of beautiful colour and silence winding around one another to create the perfect setting for…Something romantic. Unfortunately my demon had run off. Bastard. The light rebounded off of the ice around me, creating little sparkles and twinkles here and there, and I grinned stupidly at the sight.

Once the birds had roused and began their incessant chirping, I decided it was probably time to scoot on back to my own bed. Perhaps Hiei would follow, who knew? With a grunt, I tried to hoist myself to my _knees_ at least, only to find that the lower portion of my body refused to move. I blinked…Then tried again. Still, it wouldn't co-operate.

"What the hell?"

My hand slipped beneath me, trying to find a space to use as leverage to hoist my numb and unresponsive lower half so that I could crawl away in a dignified manner on my hands and knees…But I found no space. Instead my fingertips traced the curve of my rear, right up until it met the ice. There was no gap between the two.

Uh-oh…

"Uh, guys?" I called out hopefully; "Guys…A little help here!" No answer. "My ass is freaking stickin to the damn ice! Someone help me!"

The sounds of crickets and a few awkward, yet sympathetic chirps answered me.

I twitched.

"This isn't funny guys! Toss me a damn shoe-horn or _something_! Hiei?! Heat up my ass so I can get up! This is _really_ uncomfortable! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

My cries echoed off into the distance…

* * *

It was _exactly_ five hours and forty-two minutes before somebody realized I wasn't present for a haphazard Brunch; and had thus set out to investigate my whereabouts. 

"Hahahaha! Oh my God! Ly-…Hahahaha!"

Did I mention that my saviour was Yusuke? Yup, there he was, bent over double and clutching his ribs whilst he guffawed at my current position. My current position being; me on my side, my body flushed a strange blue tint, and one hand stuck to my ass _and_ the ice.

"I-I-if you v-value the a-ability to f-f-father ch-children…I s-suggest you h-help m-me!" I snapped, my teeth chattering, and my eyes only slightly open from the cold.

I couldn't feel _anything_, and when I stuck my tongue out to moisten my lips, it momentarily stuck to my upper lip. It took a few tries to successfully retract it, but by that time, Yusuke was on the floor and pounding at the ice so hard his knuckles bled- His eyes watering with mirth at _my_ expense.

I growled feebly, and closed my eyes.

"Now now!" Yusuke managed to get out, once he'd subsided to a few giggles; "No need to get your panties in a bunch, ne?"

A sharp _slap_ to my ass had me jerking in shock, the noise reverberating around the clearing.

He did **not** just slap my ass! I scowled darkly, and yelled out numerous death threats and expletives. Fucking cheek!

Yusuke's strangled yelp gave me pause in the middle of a very rude word, and I tried to crane my neck to see what was wrong. I laughed out loud, though it sounded rather weak- I was cold and tired, so sue me!

Yusuke was in the position he'd been in before; on his knees at my exposed side, his hand raised just above my already red butt cheek, poised and ready to deliver another humiliating spank- Though the cause of his sudden loss of movement was due to Hiei and his seriously sharp katana pressed to the Detective's throat.

"…Hiei, I was only kiddin! No need to slice a buddy!" he stammered, eyes round.

"Ya damn pervert! I can't believe you did that!" I exploded, before Hiei could say anything. "The minute I get up, you are _dead meat_! You got that Urameshi?!"

Hiei snarled softly, his eyes darkening from their bright scarlet hue to a rustier colour.

"Better get your affairs in order, Detective;" he growled loudly, the metal pressing tightly against the brunette's throat.

Yusuke trembled. "Woah there Shorty! I was messing _around_!"

"You touched what is _mine_…" Hiei added shortly. "You should know by now that demons are _very_ territorial."

"Ah, but you haven't marked her yet, have you Hiei?" A smooth voice cut in. "So that makes her fair game, as far as Makai customs go."

My gaze shifted from my enraged crush to the lithe figure of the spirit fox, his hair a glistening silver rather than its usual red. His amber eyes flashed with amusement as he leant nonchalantly against a tree off to my right, one ankle crossed elegantly over the other.

"I don't _need_ to mark her, when you all know she belongs to me."

Yoko's ears flickered at this, and a harsh chuckle reverberated in the back of his throat, his eyes lidded lazily.

"Oh? And what of the number of Yokai currently residing in this realm, Hiei?" The fox remarked casually with a toss of his head. "Do _they_ know of your understanding with that delightfully sparsely clothed female of yours?"

Hiei's attention waned, and he thrust Yusuke away from him, who only gladly scampered off inside the refuge of the temple cursing about ornery fire demons and sadistic females.

"What are you saying fox? Spit it out." Hiei re-sheathed his katana, and folded his arms across his chest.

"Hello? Yeah, remember me? The girl stuck in a compromising position to the _freaking ice_?!"

I, of course, was ignored.

"What I am saying is rather simple. Your woman has grown exceedingly attractive during your absence, and it has been all _I_ could do to keep myself in check around her. Do you think all the _others_ will be as accommodating as I? In order to stake your claim, you need to mark her as yours. Until then, as I said, she is fair game to one and all."

Hiei's shoulders stiffened slightly, and his face twitched imperceptibly.

"My affairs are my own fox."

With that said, Hiei leant down and warmed the ice beneath me, instantly liquefying at the tips of his fingers. Soon enough I was free- Soaked, but free, and he scooped me up.

I don't really know **what** to think of this whole 'marking' thing, as it hadn't been explained to me in great detail, so I remained silent, and contented myself with snuggling into the heat of the ebon-haired boy's body.

Hiei turned abruptly on his heel and started off towards my room inside the temple, when Yoko's voice rang out again, causing him to pause for the briefest of moments.

"Mukuro didn't _really_ give you a holiday, did she Hiei?" The rumble of amusement obviously grated on the shorter demon's nerves. "And I suppose she doesn't know about Lydia _either_, am I wrong?"

"The Onna is none of her concern."

"She will find out you know, and I doubt she'll be too happy about it."

"Mukuro knows that my private life is my own. She wouldn't dare to interfere."

Yoko snorted softly, his tail lashing out behind him.

"Whatever gets you to sleep at night, my friend."

"Hn."

Hiei flittered off after that parting shot, and we almost instantaneously appeared in my bedroom. The door slid shut, and I was tossed onto my futon with little care for my own personal comfort. Spinning around, he strode over to a small cabinet in the corner and started pulling out a towel and some extra clothes for me to slip into, throwing each article at me when his fingers latched onto it.

I remained quiet for a little while longer, trying to quash the surge of jealousy that rose in my breast at the thought of this 'Mukuro'. Gnawing lightly on my lower lip, I began to briskly dry myself, completely ignoring the fire demon for the moment. I didn't trust myself to speak.

Unnerved by my silence, Hiei shot me a questioning look, and was met with one of my darker glowers. His eyebrow rose sharply, and he strode back over to me, his hands resting heavily on my shoulders.

I shrugged him off.

His eyes narrowed.

"Onna."

That one word was heavily laden with unasked questions, and I finally looked him dead in the eye, my anger palpable.

"Who the _hell_ is Mukuro?!"

* * *

**-Mukuro's POV-**

After my heir's sudden disappearance, I had grown rather worried. Sure, he came and went as he pleased, but to be perfectly honest, during the three years he had been here with me…He had _never_ stayed away for longer than two days.

It had now been three, and my advisors knew not where he was.

"Mukuro-sama…?"

I shifted in my seat, shooting my subordinate a passive look- But he quelled beneath my gaze nonetheless, practically prostrating himself at my feet. His eyes remained locked on my right arm, however, possibly expecting it to deliver a death blow for him having disturbed my thoughts.

Who did he think I was? Hiei? I am not so rash, or as hot-blooded as the little fire koorime.

"What is it?" My tones are clipped, and my only good eye rests on him with an air of someone who was mildly bored, yet willing to listen to alleviate it.

The demon; a green scaly creature with several eyes dotting it's misshapen face, rose to his knees, head bowing in respect.

"We have received news of Hiei-dono's whereabouts, Mukuro-sama."

My spirits rose at this admission, and my heart, or the demon's version of it, fluttered restlessly in my chest. I lifted a hand and placed it over the spot, lightly rubbing at it to ease the movement.

"Where?"

The one word conveyed my impatience, even though it had only been a few minutes since he had struck up this conversation with me. Such is the case when dealing with human emotions- Something I, and the Forbidden Child found to be utterly disgusting.

"He is residing at a small temple in the Ningenkai, Mukuro-sama. There are a number of people there with him, demons and humans alike, including his younger sister."

My eye widened fractionally, and I slid out of my seat with a grace that I shouldn't have possessed due to the awkwardness of my body and its mechanical parts.

"Is that so?"

"And…" The demon seemed reluctant to continue. Perhaps he had noticed the sudden brightness of my mood, and did not want to diminish it.

"Yes?"

He shuffled uncomfortably on his knees, and I barely restrained the impulse to strike him down for wasting my valuable time.

"Well…Before he left, there was a rumour that he had gotten close to a human female…" He paused, gauging my reaction. My silence prodded him on. "And that he has gone there…Expressly to see her."

I remained quiet, a hand lifting to run through my short orange hair.

'_So he has a lover in the Ningenkai, does he?'_ I thought, bitterness running rife through my veins. _'A human no less. I must see her with my own eyes, to ascertain the kind of threat she might pose.'_

I voiced my thoughts, though not to the extent I had uttered them in my mind. I was a leader first and foremost, and if I went after Hiei, I had to make it _look_ like I was doing it out of concern for my _heir_. **Not** to find him due to my feelings for him.

"I must see this girl for myself. Hiei cannot afford any…Distractions. He has duties to carry out, and I will _not_ allow him to put my empire in jeopardy to sate his carnal appetites on a human wench."

I spun on my heel, pausing to whip a cloak over my shoulders, leaving the subordinate to cower in my looming shadow. Barely sparing him a glance, I strode over to a circle engraved in chalk into the floor, and stepped within it, my right arm glowing an eerie red.

"Hopefully he has already grown tired of her. I hear human women have not _nearly_ enough stamina to keep a demon's interest for long. And if she's as young as I predict…"

I trailed off with a knowing smirk, and I closed my eyes briefly as the light enveloped me in its warmth and security.

I touched down on the outskirts of a small forest, my eyes darting to my side to see the subordinate from before, growling and hissing menacingly at anything that moved. Was he one of my many guards? If he was, he must've been right at the _end_ of the queue, as the various wildlife merely returned his looks with scorn.

And they were fuzzy little things too. It was obvious he still had things to learn, but I would tolerate his company nonetheless.

"Mukuro-sama…Do you think it is wise to be here?"

I restrained the urge to roll my eyes childishly at the question, and settled for an indignant sniff instead.

"Are you questioning me, subordinate?" I replied silkily, my aura spiking some in order to scare him into blind obedience.

"N-no, Mukuro-sama! I am just concerned for your safety, as always!" came the stuttered rejoinder.

Slick. But it wasn't wise to infer that someone of my power and station had anything to fear. Despite losing to Enki…I was still _extremely_ powerful, and I can say that without an ounce of arrogance. It was pure, undiluted fact, and whoever decided to test my claim would meet an untimely end.

Voices off to my far left caught my attention, and I masked my Yoki out of habit before advancing in the direction they came from, stopping only when I attained a good vantage point.

My 'heart' skipped a beat. There he stood, short as ever with those piercing crimson eyes that promised bloodshed if he didn't get his way. Those tightly toned muscles rippled fiercely beneath his black cloak…But what on _earth_ was that smell?

My nose wrinkled, and my eye glanced about to find the source of such a pungent odour. My gaze alighted on a young female carefully ensconced in the fire demon's arms, but unfortunately I did not glimpse her face.

Black hair, long and slightly curled fell over his right arm, and pail legs were thrown over the other. Just from the few things I noticed, I realized that this female was more than likely the one I had to watch out for…And luckily for me, she seemed rather frail.

"_**Mukuro knows that my private life is my own. She would not dare to interfere."**_

His strong voice carried over the breeze to where I was standing, and my eyes narrowed in mild displeasure.

'_Is that so, Hiei? And why would I not dare to interfere in your affairs?'_

I heard the snort of the silver fox, and my eyes zoomed in on him for a moment. Good looking, yes…But he wasn't anything like Hiei. So I immediately dismissed him, turning my attention back to the koorime, only to find that he had disappeared. The woman along with him.

I mentally cursed myself for having taken my eyes off of him, and I closed my eyes in order to focus all of my concentration on singling out his Yoki and inevitably finding out where he had gone to. I locked onto it surprisingly fast, and I realized he had only gone into the temple…Possibly to get rid of his human charge.

With the stealth I was famed for, I flickered out of sight, and appeared again outside of the woman's window, my back against the rough wood of the buildings walls.

"_**Who the hell is Mukuro?!"**_

I couldn't help but smirk at that. So she did not know about me, as I did not know about her then? Oh Hiei, what a tangled web you weave. I wonder how you will get out of this one…

I listened intently to the argument brewing inside, my smile growing ever wider. Who would have thought the mere mention of _my_ name could act as a wedge to drive the two apart? Their voices escalated, and I heard the tinkle of something fragile breaking, and I imagined it was the woman crumpling beneath Hiei's contempt.

I snuck a look inside, only to catch sight of Hiei's shocked face, along with the woman's angered one, and what looked to be a porcelain vase on the floor at Hiei's side, broken into small pieces.

The woman had the utter _gall_ to attack him!

Hiei seemed to come to himself after a brisk shake, and he snarled at the woman. The words were so low, I couldn't make them out, and soon enough…He had disappeared from the room altogether leaving the woman by herself fighting back tears of sadness and anger.

'_Such a fragile creature she is. This is a perfect opportunity to see if she is worth his time, let alone his affections.'_

My mood brightened considerably, and I leapt through the open window, much to the girl's surprise. I landed lightly on the wooden floors, and I glanced at her with what I deemed to be a 'friendly' look. From the woman's gasp and sudden flinch…It was probably a lot less welcoming than I thought it was.

"You must be the woman Hiei dropped his duties for."

* * *

**-Lydia's POV-**

"Well?"

I tapped an impatient tattoo on the floor with my still bare foot, my body still wracked with constant shivers from being exposed to the cold for an extended amount of time. My lips had finally lost their purplish tint, but my pale skin still retained the blue. I felt like a freaking Ribena carton.

"Hn. She is none of your concern."

I bridled at that. None of my concern? Another woman in his life, one he'd been living _and_ working for, for the past three years and it was 'None of' my 'Concern'? Bullshit.

"Kurama told me that she has feelings for you," I probed casually, folding my arms over my chest.

Hiei unconsciously mimicked me, and lounged back against the far wall, his eyes downcast.

"Kurama talks to much, and usually about things he knows nothing of."

Well _that_ was a dead end. I puffed out my cheeks and scowled.

"He also says that the feelings aren't mutual. Is this true?"

Hiei turned slowly to look at me, anger and disbelief contorting his features.

"You doubt me, Onna?" His words were soft. Lethal, even.

I arched an eyebrow. "You've been gone for three years without any communication, and you've been living with a horny as hell demon lord. What makes you think I could _ever_ doubt you." My voice was laced with sarcasm.

His eyebrows snapped together in an angry V shape, and he took a step towards me.

"…"

He seemed at a loss for words. Can't imagine why.

"…What?"

His scowl darkened, and he snarled over his shoulder; "Think what you will, but I will _not_ tolerate _anyone_ inferring that I am dishonest." Before flickering out of sight.

The sliding door opened and closed on a gust of wind, leaving me red faced and my eyes welling with angry tears.

"Hiei you complete moron!" I screeched after him, my hands balling into fists.

I released a frustrated groan, beating my fists atop the quilted bedclothes in an effort to release the tension that had built up within me since Yoko's arrival earlier. I suppose that is why I hadn't noticed another person entering my room via the _window._

"You must be the woman Hiei dropped his duties for."

My head snapped up, and I banished my self-pitying mantra to gaze wide eyed at the intruder.

It was a woman. At least…I thought it was. She had short orange hair, and one bright blue eye, the other obscured by a garish and unflattering monocle. Her clothes were on the manly side, and her smile was far from kind…It gave her a rather wolfish appeal, like she was trying to lure me into her den so that she could chew on my leg for a good half hour.

I flinched, and scooted backwards.

"Who are you?"

The woman chuckled softly, and with a flick of her wrist, another demon appeared at her side- this one leering freakily at me.

My eye twitched.

"Oh forgive my poor manners," she replied after a moment. "My name is Mukuro. I am Hiei's…Benefactor."

The way she said 'Benefactor' had my skin crawling, and I glowered at her. Mukuro was it? Did she come to take Hiei away from me? Okay, so he might be in a state of mind where he'd _willingly_ go with the demon lord…But I wasn't about to let that happen. Three years is a bloody long time, and I _would_ get _some_ nookie before he disappeared again.

"Oh, really?" I replied crisply. "What can I do for you?"

Her eyes narrowed at my tone, though the smile stayed in place.

"You have caught his eye…And he has caught mine. I want to see whether or not a filthy human such as yourself is worthy of becoming something more than a female companion."

I frowned at that, my head cocking to the side.

"And how do you propose we do _that_?"

The wind picked up around me again, and I had to fight to keep my tshirt down. I was only wearing panties underneath. When I finally opened my eyes, I noticed that her companion had disappeared.

'_Where did he go…?'_

A scaly hand with something acrid slicking its palm wrapped around my nose and mouth, and I was forced to inhale the nasty stuff for fear of suffocation.

"A fight to the death. But we'll be playing in _my_ territory with _my_ rules," she stated smugly.

The world swam before my eyes, and when the hand removed itself to wrap around my waist, I managed to utter a weak;

"Hiei…"

Before succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

**Spirit:** Yay, another chapter down! And it only took me four days to do too...Anyway, I hope you like where this is going...If you don't see it then...Oh well, you'll have to wait and see over the next few chapters. Just want to thank all those wonderful people who reviewed the last chapter, and to say I hope I kept everyone in character...And everyone knows the drill; _constructive _criticism is welcomed and **complimetary** reviews even more so!

* * *

**Question Time!:**

**1) How old is Lydia now?  
**19- It's been three years since she and Hiei had parted ways. If you remember, she was 16 at the time.

**2) Wow, Lydia has changed quite alot hasn't she? Why does she swear and stuff?  
**Yes, she has. Before, she was rather shy and was a rather ugly duckling so to speak. Now, three years on...She has grown up, and now has slightly more adult views, hence the bad language. She has a slight attitude which she gained from hanging around Yusuke and seeing as she was almost _murdered_ as well as _attacked_ by various demons in the first story, of _course_ she's going to toughen up a bit. It's called 'growing up'.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Legally Sane 2: Pyschological Trauma

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho; I do own Lydia and the Horny Toad. Oh; and the story.

**

* * *

Chapter Five: Of Perverted Toads and Civilised Dining **

'_Baka onna…How dare she question me like that?'_ My eyes narrowed as I continued my mental rant, each word punctuated with a savage slash of my katana. _'And then she had the gall to throw a vase at me! A damn vase!'_

My mouth drew into a tight line, and I lunged forward with the left side of my body; twisting around on one booted heel expertly with the tip of my katana pointing at an imaginary enemy's vital spot- His heart.

'_She always seems to be pushing me for something I'm not able to give right now. She might not say anything at all; but I can feel it hovering at the edge of my mind, like she's trying to insert her conceptions of what my feelings should be like.'_

I scowled darkly, and after a few more high speed movements, I re-sheathed my blade and wiped a bandaged hand across my damp brow. Despite the fact that I had thrown myself into my harsh training routine almost immediately after I had stormed out of the Onna's room; the habitual ritual had yet to ease the tense set of my shoulders, or clear my mind for that matter.

I was furious, and I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I had done something rather foolish regardless of her reaction to Mukuro.

Mukuro…My mentor of sorts; my master- The one who's lands would be bequeathed to me once she grew tired of dominating her territory. She was a woman, that was true- But with the fierce pride and loyalty of a man; that ever-present strength and cunning mind that left many of her enemies stumped as to _how_ she'd accomplished what she had.

I must admit, I had been attracted to her at one point.

No, not to her beauty- I am not one to be shallow, but she wasn't too easy on the eye and it didn't help matters that she was at the very _least_ a head taller than me. It would've been pretty damn awkward if I had initiated a sexual relationship with her _without_ the use of a stack of books to aid my lack in the height department.

It wasn't too long before the fleeting attraction I had held for the mechanical woman finally fizzled out, and it was around that time, that I had first met a gawky ningen female with the biggest eyes and the plainest of faces I had _ever_ seen. Stupid girl had gotten herself in trouble with a low class demon, and was about to be introduced to whatever else he had recently consumed if I hadn't intervened when I had.

Chewing lightly on my lower lip, I threw myself down at the base of one of the most bedraggled looking trees on the temple grounds, my mouth curling into an involuntary smirk at the memory.

Yes, instead of thanking me and every God there was for rescuing her…She had licked my hand, and reprimanded me for not calling her by her name. I _still_ don't, and she doesn't seem to mind too much either.

She was everything that Mukuro was not; bright, ditzy slightly easier on the eye full of smiles and wasn't afraid of stealing my sweet snow. Her dry humour was rather refreshing, and her childish ideals even more so. The Onna reminded me of my younger sister, Yukina whom I still haven't had the courage to let her in on the little secret that in actual fact…I am the brother she'd been looking for.

I'm straying off of topic it seems.

Her kisses, the ones I had stolen on more than one occasion I am ashamed and even a tad prideful to admit, despite the fact that those two feelings are rather paradoxical were found to be intoxicating; her scent more than pleasing, and the curves that had only barely begun to develop at the time held my attention for far longer than they should have.

At that time, I had been…Experiencing feelings that were alien to me; concepts that would never have crossed my cynical and sheltered mind had appeared frequently. It was utterly infuriating, and the fox was _no_ help whatsoever. He just snickered at my expense, and continued to do so until I lost my cool long enough to utter threats.

I realised that these 'feelings' would do nothing but harm, when she almost died right in front of me.

A familiar twist in the chest department brought a snarl to my lips, and I absently rubbed at the irritated area. I felt that it would be best to drop this entire subject before I worked myself up again, and instead, allowed myself to relax- My mind clearing itself of everything.

It would've worked too, if I hadn't heard Botan's hysterical shrieking.

"Hiei! Hiei! There's trouble!"

The blue haired deity skidded by a few steps before realising that she'd actually _passed_ me. Executing a clumsy about-face, she stomped over to where I was resting, her face red and damp with sweat.

"Hiei!" she gasped out; "It's terrible…!"

"Hn. Kuwabara came out of the closet?"

This gave her pause, and a disgusted look passed over her face before she was all business again.

"N-no! Lydia-chan is missing, and her room is a mess!"

My breath cut off in my throat, and my smirk slipped a bit, before returning to its original place.

"And? We had an argument, perhaps she demolished the room in a fit of frustration and went for a walk…" At her unimpressed expression, I added a defensive; "What? It's plausible."

"Oh? And does Lydia-chan have the Yoki signature of an _S-class_ demon?" she retorted, her voice dripping with sarcasm. That caught my attention, and she nodded emphatically. "It was all over the place; practically oozing from everything in the room- And it had a pissed off feel to it."

I leapt to my feet, and sprinted over to the dojo- The Ferry Onna hot on my heels, though with the use of her oar. I ascended the steps, cleared the yard area and shot over to the sliding door that opened up into Lydia's room, my eyes scanning the space.

It was a complete mess, and just as Botan had related, the room stank of powerful demonic energies, and through my confusion and worry, the familiarity of the signature didn't click with me as fast as it normally would have.

'_An S-class demon in the Onna's room? But why?'_ The possibilities that flew through my head were too few, and unexplainable. I bit the inside of my mouth and leant against the door, ignoring the fact that the Detective and the others were rapidly closing in.

"…I recognise this aura," a gruff voice from my right stated, and I shot the speaker a glare. It was Kuwabara.

For the duration of the slight pause he allowed, everyone's eyes had slid to the tall assistant and he sweatdropped nervously.

"Get on with it, oaf." I spat out, my hands clenching into fists with ire. "Don't act so important."

Kuwabara's face coloured, and for a moment I thought he wouldn't say anything else to spite me.

"I'm surprised you ain't noticed, Shrimp;" he retorted cockily. "Seein as ya always seem to be covered in the stuff whenever ya drop by."

"I don't think it's wise to talk in riddles, Kuwabara-kun…" Kurama slid in smoothly, his eyes shifting between me and the carrot-top. When _he_ had arrived, I'll never know.

My glare intensified due to my curiosity and confusion. _'Covered in another demon's aura? I know few S-class…So…? No!…Why didn't I recognise it before?'_

My mind completely rejected the idea, and I recoiled mentally.

Kuwabara seemed to notice the enlightened glint that appeared in my eye, and nodded once.

"Yeah, it's that Mukuro chick. This place reeks of her."

'**This is what happens when you decide to take off without a word of warning to your master, firefly…' **Yoko's voice was laced with mild amusement.

'_Not now fox;'_ I snapped back, my scowl darkening enough to have the redhead stepping back from the intensity of it.

'**There's no need to get mad, tenshi…It's not my fault you hadn't sorted this out earlier,'** came the slightly reproachful reply. **'Then again; that means you're fair game for me if she dies, right?'**

The overly bright latter statement had me gritting my teeth in annoyance, and instead of dignifying that piece of stupidity with an answer; I immediately withdrew- My destination clear.

"O-oi! Where ya goin shorty?!" Kuwabara called out after me, I merely ignored him and carried on; flittering from sight.

This much was for certain; Mukuro had interfered in my business, and for that I would make her sorry she _ever_ poked her nose in. And if she'd hurt the Onna in any way…

My blood boiled, and with an impatient snarl located a conveniently placed portal to what I hoped was the Makai, and hopped in.

* * *

Aw man…How the hell do I get myself into these messes? 

I fidgeted in my seat, glaring suspiciously at my meal, which was covered with a heavy and extremely shiny lid. I had been drugged and spirited away from my room at Genkai's dojo a few hours before, and when I came to…Well, the 'master of the house' had invited me to dinner- And seeing as I'd missed Breakfast _and_ Lunch…I took her up on the offer. Of course, now that I'm thinking straight, I'm beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. This woman was my rival for Hiei's affections, and so she might try _anything_ to get me out of the way.

A short hobgoblin type creature ambled up to my side, decked out in a French maid's uniform; resplendent in funeral black and pure white lace. Aside from the fact that it was a _man_ wearing it…The only other complaints I had only surfaced when he bent over, giving me a pretty good view of his underwear-less spotty behind among…Other things.

Gag.

Anyway, after giving me a quick look from beneath his mobcap, he hefted that big ass lid to reveal this evenings main course of…

"What'cha looking at, Ningen?!"

…A giant toad on a bed of writhing parsley (or what I _thought_ was parsley). It was _still_ alive, and it _talked_.

I gaped in astonishment at it for a moment; and eyed it warily. Opposite me, Mukuro had already dug into her toad, and was absently chewing on it's leg with vigour.

"Take a picture; it'll last longer…" the toad continued bitterly, scratching one webbed…Hand-thing between it's legs. At my look of keen revulsion, it snorted with mild derision; "What? Not posh enough for ya? Pathetic Ningen- You're not much to look at either, if ya must know. I've seen slugs with better complexions than yours."

My food was insulting me.

Upon realising that I had not taken a single bite, Mukuro glanced up with a soft grunt; her mechanical eye whirring as she focused on me.

"Do you not like your meal?" she enquired calmly; "Horny Toads are a speciality in my territory."

My eye spasmed. "U-uh…I do rather prefer my food dead and without the power of speech." I confided after a tense moment. "And don't you mean **Horned** Toad?"

A smirk curled my captor's lips, and she shifted in her seat. "I mean what I say, Ningen. It's a Horny Toad; you'll see what I mean in a moment."

So, I watched on, awaiting any sign that she wasn't just yanking my chain. Sure enough, the crotch scratching paused, and it seemed to be…

"Oh my God! Now that's just _wrong_!!" I shrieked, shoving my chair back as far as possible, my arms coming up to shield my eyes from the sight. "Oh my poor virgin eyes! How they _burn_!!"

There, on my freaking _plate_…The toad that I was supposed to be eating, had pulled out a dirty demon magazine, and had proceeded to rub himself with odd gurgling noises.

"If you're patient, it will produce it's own unique garnish- And trust me, it gives an extra _zing_ to stimulate your pallet," Mukuro added, and I could tell she was intensely amused at my display of revulsion.

"You can't be serious…" Mukuro's straight face told me that she wasn't. "That's _nasty_…What possessed you to serve me a…For the _love of God_, wouldja cover yourself up?!"

The toad ignored me, and continued writhing in an erotic manner atop the rapidly wilting greenery.

"If you want him to stop, you're just going to have to kill him;" Mukuro reminded me, whilst nonchalantly popping an errant eyeball into her mouth.

Twitching, I reached out a shaking hand to snag the chopsticks that were awaiting use at the side of my plate and raised them in a manner that reminded me of that stalker dude from the film 'Psycho' as he was about to stab a poor unsuspecting female in the shower…

…Then brought them down quickly; though the pointed ends only met ceramic instead of rubbery flesh, as the toad made a particularly lewd thrust and had rolled out of the way in bliss.

"Argh!!" My hair stood on end as the foul creature moaned gutturally; and I began to attack it with renewed vigour. "Damn you! Why…stab…Won't…stab…You…stab, stab, stab Stay still?!"

After another unsuccessful hit, I gave up and tossed the flimsy pieces of painted wood over my shoulder in favour of taking hold of that infernal plate.

"Die you perverted lizard!" I yelled, throwing the hunk of painted ceramic at the wall just behind Mukuro.

The sound of something breaking soothed my frazzled nerves, and I took _some_ satisfaction in the daring move, when I noticed that some of my food had splatted across the Yokai's face; bathing the rosy complexion with green and white.

I don't want to contemplate where the white stuff had come from.

The smug smile that had somehow spread across my entire face faltered, when blazing blue locked onto my own triumphant brown. The temperature of the room dropped, and the air became heavier than normal- Mukuro was angry.

"I should have known…" she began silkily as she swiped globlets of flesh from her cheek with a ratty looking napkin; "That Ningens are not capable of dining in a civilised manner."

"Excuse _me_?!" I snapped back indignantly; "You call serving a masturbating frog on a plate of questionable vegetables _civilised_?!"

"I invited you into my home, I feed you…And you _disrespect_ me!" she growled back, pushing herself to her feet.

"Correction! You drug me, kidnap me…And serve a randy toad, and expect me to _eat_ it! How can you expect respect?!" I too leapt to my feet, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

"You are culturally ignorant! I don't know _how_ your species lasted so long!"

"Oh yeah?! Well…Well…" I paused here, trying to think of a witty comeback; "You're ugly, and your mother dresses ya funny!"

Silence fell thick and heavy; Mukuro was staring at me oddly, and I returned the look balefully.

"Where did _that_ come from?" she asked curiously, eyes wide.

"…Y'know, I have no clue. I speak before I think."

"I noticed."

"So…What were we arguing about again?"

"I don't know, and frankly, it doesn't matter- The result is still the same."

I blinked; "And that result would be…?"

"Your untimely death!" she announced in clipped tones. "And once you are out of the way, Hiei and I can live Unhappily Ever After. I haven't had any in quite awhile, and to be honest…The tension has become unbearable."

"…That was _way_ too much information."

"Silence, pathetic human! We shall see how fast your mouth can run, when your life is on the line."

Mukuro snapped her fingers irritably, and the hobgoblin maid person from before appeared in a flash of light.

"You _clicked_, Mukuro-sama?"

"Yes, Chappy!" she replied, ('Chappy'? What the fuck?); "Prepare the underground training arena! The Onna and I shall fight to the death!"

"W-wait a minute! To the death?!" I stammered, paling slightly. "Why to the death? Can't we settle this with some good old 'rock paper scissors'??!!"

The blue-eyed demon grasped me firmly by the upper arm, and began dragging me out of the dining room with a determined look.

"No! I do not want to have to worry about you ruining our unhappiness a few years from now, so to the death it is!"

Sighing, I wondered yet again as we set off for the underground training arena, how the _hell_ I had gotten myself into this mess.

'_Hiei…Hurry the hell up! I don't wanna die…'_

_

* * *

_

**Spirit:** Ohayo mina-san! . Okay, so it's not morning. Who cares? Anywho...Sorry for being so late with the update; I had writer's block, and then I started another HieixOC story...'Seven Days' (No, I am **not** shamelessly promoting it.) And yes, I know Mukuro was out of character. I don't care, I wanted her to be like that . Also, I have been given a challenge for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Yu Yu Hakusho crossover story with Dawn as the main character from a friend of mine RoGMethos. So I'm currently working on that as well x.x Hopefully I'll have the first chapter of that, and at least one more chapter for this story and 'Seven Days' by the end of the week. So everyone knows the drill; _constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!

**_A special thank you to all those who have reviewed!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma

**Pairings:** HieixOC **and some** YusukexKeiko **_as well as_** KuramaxBotan _and some unrequited_ KuwabaraxYukina

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or it's characters; I do however, own Lydia and the story.

**

* * *

Chapter Six: Come Hell or High Water**

**-Hiei's POV-**

Alright; I'd normally _never_ admit this to myself, let alone _out loud_…But for some reason, my Jagan couldn't pick up Mukuro's mobile fortress. It was thoroughly irritating…I could _always_ locate it, no matter where I was. So this could only mean one thing…

"Hn. Blasted hunk of cheap technology…She doesn't want to be found."

I adjusted my position on the branch of a particularly feeble looking tree; silver in shade with virtually no leaves and in the midst of peeling- A process that was very much like a snake shedding it's skin. My Jagan scanned the rapidly darkening horizon for any clue…A cloud of dust, some trampled vegetation…Anything!

I _still_ came up with nothing. My irritation grew with the knowledge that every second that ticked by, my Onna could be rapidly approaching death. Then again, knowing Mukuro, she'd stay alive that little bit longer due to the demon lord's penchant for studying those that piqued her curiosity. My relationship with the human girl had obviously done just that.

Tsking impatiently beneath my breath, I flittered out of the tree and reappeared quite a distance away; balancing atop the precipice of a newly constructed cliff- Possibly created by the Detective on one of his rarer visits to the Makai. My cloak fluttered in the stifling breeze, and I closed my eyes and inhaled the comforting stench of rotting corpses and pure Makai air. This served to unwind me just a tad, though not as much as the Onna's scent had. Perhaps this time around, if I cleared my mind of everything and focused, I could finally locate Mukuro's hiding place.

Forcing myself to relax, my arms held loosely at my sides and my head tipped back a fraction; I allowed my Jagan free reign to search up to 25 miles of the surrounding area in all directions- And after a few minutes of prolonged scrutiny, I ultimately caught sight of the centipede fortress, swiftly disappearing off into the distance in the West. I didn't have long to catch up, as it was covering a vast amount of ground in a short space of time. Wonderful.

"Hey guys! I sense the Shrimp's Yoki! He's in _that_ direction, I'm sure of it!"

Ah; that would be the Oaf. It seems I've underestimated him a little _too_ much. Not that I'd let anyone else know of that.

"That's what you've been sayin for the past three _hours_, baka!" Hn. The Detective too. "The last time you said it was Hiei; it turned out to be a freakin _squirrel_!"

My eyes widen at that, and an involuntary snarl leaps to my lips. Alright, I take it back. The Oaf was a loser, with absolutely _no_ spiritual sensitivity at _all_. Squirrel…I'll show _him_ squirrel.

"Now, now Yusuke…" There was no way in _hell_ that I was going to hang around and let the Fox find me. Why couldn't he stay at home like the little momma's boy that he was? Insufferable creature. "That squirrel _did_ have very sharp teeth…And it's disposition was rather reminiscent of Hiei…But let us keep that between the three of us, shall we?"

My mood soured even more if that were possible, when I realised that the three of them were rapidly closing in on me, and I prepared to dash after the fortress in hopes of retrieving my Onna in one piece and hopefully _breathing_.

With a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure that the others hadn't seen me yet; I spun around and sprinted off into the distance, my eyes firmly fixed on the rumbling hunk of Makaian technology hurtling off into the distance.

* * *

**-Third Person POV (Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama)-**

"What's that Urameshi?!" Kuwabara snarled indignantly; "_You_ couldn't even sense the spiritual energy of a _rock_! Let alone a fast moving A-class Yokai!"

"Oh yeah?!" Yusuke shot back, not backing down from the verbal volley of insults; "I've got two freakin words for ya…Suzaku's Castle."

Now this is where poor Kurama was given a few precious moments of silence, in which to think clearly whilst massaging the bridge of his nose as Kuwabara quieted as he tried to make heads and tails of that cryptic rejoinder. In actual fact, the redhead was trying to restrain himself from strangling the two with his rose-whip- Luckily for them, he had unwavering patience.

"…Say what?" Kuwabara blinked.

"Don't tell me ya forgot about our _first_ mission?!" Yusuke was incredulous, and it showed.

"I have not!" he retorted, though inwardly he was searching his memories for a 'Suzaku' and a 'castle'. Unfortunately, he was drawing a blank. "…So what if I have?!" he finally added defiantly.

Yusuke sighed in exasperation, and moseyed on past the taller of the three.

"Four Saint Beasts…Makai Insects…Summoning Flute…Miniature balls of fuzz with teeth and bad attitudes chasin ya around a turret? Any of these ring a bell?"

Kuwabara frowned for a moment, and then, as if a light ball had been turned on inside that big head of his; his expression morphed from one of confusion, to one of enlightenment.

"Oh yeah! I _totally_ kicked that overgrown kitten's ass!" he declared shrilly, smacking his left fist into the palm of his right hand.

Yusuke glanced a Kurama, and the two of them sweatdropped simultaneously as Kuwabara began to pull some ridiculous 'manly' poses all the while announcing his fighting prowess.

"…So what exactly were you hintin at when you mentioned that?"

"…The mouse incident." Yusuke replied with a slight smirk.

Kuwabara opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut again quickly. Now he couldn't really argue about the 'mouse incident' which in itself was a pretty embarrassing moment in the College man's time as the assistant to the Spirit Detective. He'd been about fifteen at the time, and had leant a helping hand to a struggling Yusuke by using his 'Sixth Sense' to pick one door out of many that would lead them down the least dangerous path to Suzaku's hiding place. Of course, when he'd stated that there was 'powerful Yoki' eminating from the chosen door, nobody had expected there to be a _mouse_ nonchalantly nibbling on some mouldy cheese on the other side.

Needless to say; Yusuke exploited this any chance he got.

"…I was a rookie back then!" The carrot-top finally retorted in his defence.

The brunette would have replied if Kurama hadn't shot them both a warning look; his eyes flashing from a delicious green to a seriously peeved gold.

"If you two are _quite_ finished; we need to catch up with Hiei before Lydia gets hurt," Kurama informed them calmly, though his voice was still tight. "_If_ she's not been hurt already."

The Mazoku and his human partner's eyes widened considerably, having completely forgotten the reason for their sudden appearance in the Makai. Yusuke nodded hard, dropping the argument like a bad habit and proceeded to waltz over to the kitsune.

"Kuwabara-kun? Can you try to locate Hiei's Yoki again?" Kurama asked, his eyes scanning the vegetation for a familiar black blur. Upon finding that his human eyes were not up to the task of seeing over vast distances, he mentally cursed, and awaited his human friend's answer.

Kuwabara blinked, then closed his eyes completely; his hands groping around blindly for something the other two couldn't see at that moment. Grunting with the obvious mental effort this took, he continued to probe the surroundings for a familiar flash of demonic energy; but came up with nothing but a few sparks of lower demon ki.

"…No. He's too far outta my range to detect," he finally muttered, his mood dampening as the other two sighed in disappointment.

"Eh…Don't worry about it, we'll catch up sooner or later…" Yusuke comforted. "Though I _still_ say you weren't catchin his vibe earlier; and that it was more'n likely a twig."

This sparked outrage in the human, and the bickering resumed once again, much to Kurama's dismay. Instead of berating them, he merely allowed them to continue; as long as they continued to trail behind him at a decent pace, there wouldn't be too much trouble. Hopefully their loud voices wouldn't attract any _unwanted_ attention.

'_Inari; I hope for Hiei's sake that Lydia is alright.'

* * *

_

**-Lydia's POV-**

"…Are we there yet?"

My voice echoed eerily; the words ricocheting off of the stalagmites and stalactites that lined the impossibly long and winding staircase I was forced to descend. I had tried to politely decline Mukuro's invitation to a Death Match for Hiei up in the dining room after the 'Perverted Toad' fiasco, but to no avail. She had merely latched onto my upper arm, and had literally dragged me to where I currently was at the moment.

Mukuro spared me a fleeting glance over her shoulder, her good eye twitching with barely concealed annoyance.

"For the fiftieth time, _no_ you irritating human," She snapped, her grip tightening on my arm. "And if you ask again, I won't hesitate to rip the tongue out of your mouth."

My mouth; which had been open and poised for a quick retort, immediately snapped shut again with an audible _click_ at the threat. Alright; there was no need to go and get the irate demon all fired up- I mean, there was plenty of time for that once we hit the arena, right? I gulped, and my legs shook at the thought.

Our steps rang out into the thick silence, and I took a moment to survey my surroundings with a curious eye.

The walls were made of something _living_; that much I could tell- They were coated in a slimy substance, and regularly squelched as if something was trying to digest us as we passed through. The stalactites and stalagmites I'd seen earlier were actually made of bone…Not sure which ones, as I wasn't too sure which part of the body we were in, and I also wasn't too sure as to _what_ bones a centipede actually had.

A shrill scream suddenly forced it's way out of my throat, as my sneaker had slid on something _particularly_ gunky that had oozed from the ceiling and coated my hair as well as the step beneath me, and thus causing me to skid into the demon in front of me. Mukuro steadied me with a practiced hand, and I found myself impaled with a look of frustration and bewilderment.

"Watch your step, clumsy girl…" she admonished, her tone rough; "…I don't understand how Hiei- Master of _all_ of the Jao Ensatsu techniques, could possibly find _you_ attractive as a potential mate."

Potential mate? That was news to me! Jeez, we hadn't even been on a date yet, and he was seriously thinking about commitment?! The three year gap between the last time we'd seen each other didn't help matters much either…But my thoughts were interrupted when we finally emerged into a dimly lit arena, complete with various forms of plant life and extra goop. Wonderful; an ideal place for me to fight. Note my sarcasm.

Mukuro released my arm, and she strode a few feet away from me before spinning on one booted foot to face me. I blinked and took a hesitant step backward once I caught sight of the sadistic leer that had brightened her eye as well as twisted her mouth. Gone was the mildly curious demon; in her place was a predator. A very _scary_ predator.

"A-are you sure we c-can't just talk about this _rationally_?" I squeaked.

"The time for talk is over. It is customary for females who are vying for the attention of a particular male, to fight it out. The winner ultimately gets the aforementioned male, whilst the loser…" she paused, and shrugged casually. "…Well, the loser just dies. If she doesn't, then she usually kills herself in a fit of shame and anguish. But do not fear; I will not allow you to suffer such a dismal fate."

I snorted at her proclamation, and folded my arms across my chest.

"Ch…Thank you for the concern."

Mukuro bowed her head mockingly, and her left foot slid a few inches in front of her right; her weight resting lightly on it whilst she raised her fists- An offensive stance, I surmised, and I quickly adjusted my own into one that relied heavily on defence. I might not be a pro; but I _had_ taken some self defence classes a year back.

Watching the demon lord with a wary eye; we slowly circled one another- She watched out for my weaknesses, whilst I was desperately searching for _anything_ that could provide a distraction long enough for me to make my escape. There was nothing.

The fight only started when I accidentally stumbled over a random stick. Mukuro who had been staring at me intently up until that point, used my mistake to her advantage, and shot forward at a speed I had rarely seen Hiei adopt.

She appeared in front of me in a flash of orange and brown, and I had barely enough time to register her movement before I found myself flying backwards courtesy of a cruel punch she'd landed in my midsection. I landed with a jarring thud against a scorched tree, my breath whooshing out of my lungs along with a mouthful of blood. Wheezing painfully, I clutched at my stomach, my vision swimming in and out of focus.

"Tch…Pathetic. How do you expect to protect his children, if you can't even protect yourself?" she sneered, and I could hear the slow approach of boots on the dirt floor.

With effort, I managed to push myself to my knees once I'd regained my breath; only to end up skidding across the floor in the opposite direction from a kick to the jaw. I swear, I heard the fragile bones snap from the pressure, and I couldn't stifle the cry of pain that burst from my lips.

What the hell?! Wasn't she going to wait for me to ready myself for her attacks?!

The steps were nearing me again, and I cracked open an eye just in time to see her foot come up swiftly to connect with my ribs- Fortunately for me, I was able to roll out of the way and the toe of her boot merely grazed them, instead of snapping them like twigs. Unfortunately this had not upset her sense of balance as I had hoped; an imperceptible slide of her opposing foot kept her upright, and she followed up with a volley of kicks and stamps- Yes; she tried to stamp me into the freaking ground!- which I dealt with by continually rolling away like a fat man down a hill after he's tripped.

"Give it up, Lydia-san…" she murmured blandly; "How long will you be able to avoid my blows?"

And if to prove that she was _allowing_ me to move, she diverted her attention from my stomach and pelvis area and instead thrust her heel into my chest. The pain was sharp and I was temporarily blinded by it; the sound of bone scraping on bone terrified me and another lungful of blood shot into my mouth- The metallic taste repulsive.

"Have nothing smart to come back with?" Mukuro taunted, grinding her heel in even further until I was sure it would go straight through me.

I fought to breathe, and in a moment of inspiration that hit me through a fog of pain; I latched both my hands around her ankle. From her expression of mild surprise, I guessed she hadn't expected me to do that, and thus she was usurped from her position and she landed awkwardly after a sharp tug from my end.

Ha! Score 1 to Lydia! …And about a million to Mukuro.

Whilst she sat there in a daze, I flipped onto my stomach and pushed myself first to my knees, and then staggered to my feet, my arms folded protectively over my now throbbing chest. Fuck, it really hurt!

Mukuro arched an eyebrow at me when I made no move to attack, and she merely leapt to her feet, absently dusting herself down before affixing me with a steady look.

"Does it hurt?" she enquired indifferently, even as she slammed a palm forward towards the place I was trying desperately to protect.

I jumped back, and landed unsteadily. Sighing, she came after me again with a succession of punches to my face; I managed to dodge a few of them, but there came a point where I was unable to move quick enough, and I ended up facedown in the dirt for the nth time. By now, she had not a scratch on her; and I…Well, I was a mess.

My lower lip was split, and my left cheekbone sported what felt like a bruise the size of Texas; I'm pretty sure she'd fractured a few of my ribs, and had possibly broken my nose- I couldn't tell yet, but the blood gushing out of it gave me a clue.

A boot slammed down into the middle of my back, and my scream was choked off as I felt myself begin to black out. She slid a blunt nailed hand into the inky curls I had grown to admire over the past few years, and hoisted me to my knees, my head pulled back so far that I thought my neck would snap from the slightest pressure.

Was this how it was going to end for me?

"I'm rather disappointed; you didn't put up much of a fight did you?" Mukuro mused softly, gazing into my eyes blurred with tears.

"Y-yeah well you d-didn't give me m-much time to d-do much…" I retorted weakly, twisting my head as far as her grip would allow to spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor.

"Well, it seems the outcome of this match has been decided…" she continued, ignoring my comment. "As promised, your death will be a swift one. Possibly painful, I can't say for sure as I have never had my neck snapped."

She gazed intently at my battered face for a few precious seconds, and I inhaled sharply in preparation for my death, my eyes closed tightly against the vision of Mukuro. I desperately filtered through my memories for a more comforting face, and immediately a multitude of pictures flashed behind my closed lids of Hiei and some of the gang. My lips curled into a bittersweet smile, and I relaxed in Mukuro's grasp.

But…Nothing happened. Funny how that seems to be the case whenever I expect something horrific to happen to me.

Cautiously, I popped open an eye to see the cause of the hold-up, only for it to widen fractionally.

There, brandishing a katana that was pressed so tight against Mukuro's throat that it drew blood, was my fire apparition. Noticing my eyes on him, he glanced down at me, fury and relief warring in those crimson pools of his.

Emotion welled up in my throat, and my shaky smile took on a softer hint.

"Sure took ya time there, Sparky."

"Hn. I took a wrong turn."

And that was when everything became crystal clear to me. Hiei would _always_ be there for me, come hell or high water. He would fight anything that came his way to protect me; and with that knowledge, I allowed the floodgates to open, and I wept openly with relief, fear and pain.

I was safe now.

* * *

**Spirit:** This came out...More serious than I had anticipated. I was actually hoping for a comical face off between the two of them; but after watching Mukuro's fight with Hiei...I kinda went nuts and this came out. o.o; So yeah; _constructive_ criticism is appreciated and so are **complimentary** reviews.

**_Thanks to all those who have reviewed!_**

**And please take a gander at a seriously funny parody that my friend 'Call Me Blue' has written; 'Mary Sues Gone Wild'- I'm featured in this now xD And it's a good read!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** Legally Sane 2: Psychological Trauma

**Pairings: **HieixOC** plus** KuramaxBotan and YusukexKeiko _and some unrequited_ KuwabaraxYukina

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho; I do own Lydia and the story...As well as any other OC's I manage to create.

**_

* * *

-Last Time-_**

_But…Nothing happened. Funny how that seems to be the case whenever I expect something horrific to happen to me._

_Cautiously, I popped open an eye to see the cause of the hold-up, only for it to widen fractionally._

_There, brandishing a katana that was pressed so tight against Mukuro's throat that it drew blood, was my fire apparition. Noticing my eyes on him, he glanced down at me, fury and relief warring in those crimson pools of his._

_Emotion welled up in my throat, and my shaky smile took on a softer hint._

"_Sure took ya time there, Sparky."_

"_Hn. I took a wrong turn."_

_And that was when everything became crystal clear to me. Hiei would always be there for me, come hell or high water. He would fight anything that came his way to protect me; and with that knowledge, I allowed the floodgates to open, and I wept openly with relief, fear and pain._

_I was safe now.

* * *

_

**Chapter Seven: What it all boils down to**

Shock flickered briefly within blue irises, barely a millisecond before thin lips were drawn into a calm smile- Though I doubt the tightness at the corners went unnoticed by Hiei if _I_ noticed them through my tears.

"Hello Hiei," Mukuro murmured quietly, a slight hint of humour in her voice.

"Release her." Hiei's own voice was quiet and strained, though his face was a picture of composure- Calm, cool and collect. Sometimes I envied him for it; unfortunately _everyone_ could read me like a book and it was disconcerting at times.

Mukuro seemed to take in the entire situation, weighing up her options- And for once, I could see quite clearly what was going through her mind.

She could always snap my neck, eliminating the threat to her 'unhappiness' with Hiei- But then with the way Hiei was wound, she'd probably end up decapitated.

Maybe she could speedily dodge the blade and _then_ snap my neck- But Hiei was just as fast, and would probably anticipate that move too.

Her one eye flashed with various ideas, some that I couldn't even think of let alone believe was possible; and then she did the unthinkable.

I fell forward with a gasp of surprise, but was immediately steadied by a familiar weight on my shoulder. A quick yet hesitant squeeze was offered to it, and I was able to sit there uncomfortably on my own.

Silence enshrouded the chamber; the air thick with tension and high strung instincts that I couldn't even be able to fathom due to the fact that I was human and therefore wasn't subjected to such 'emotions'. I felt penned in all of a sudden, claustrophobia which I don't ever remember suffering from choked my throat and my mouth went dry. I shot an inconspicuous look over my shoulder, and saw that Hiei had yet to remove his sword from where it rested against the paleness of his Lord's throat; Mukuro remained stock still, though a mirthless smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, her single eye brazenly staring her 'executioner' in the face.

"Hiei…Do you know what you do?" Mukuro queried archly, and looking all the more smug.

Hiei remained silent for a beat, his eyes narrowing a fraction.

"Do you know what _you_ have done?" he countered, refusing to budge an inch.

"I believe I was eliminating a _threat_ to the future of my territory;" she replied.

Hiei snorted disbelievingly. "How can a worthless ningen pose a _threat_ to the future of your territory?"

'_Worthless? Ohh…He definitely isn't getting any once we get out of here. Not that he's had more'n a kiss…But still.'_ I inwardly fumed, wounded and mentally flipping him the bird.

Mukuro regarded Hiei quietly, phrasing her thoughts in her mind before uttering them. Her eyes softened minutely, and so did her mouth- And it was then that I was struck with the obvious affection she felt for her diminutive heir.

"Have you not guessed yet? _You_ are the future of my territory. My heir, my confidante, my right hand…The one who should be my mate."

I gaped at her then, my mind reeling at the information. Sure I knew of her feelings, and yeah…She and everyone else had confirmed it over and over again…But still. It was strange to hear her actually _say_ the words, and in front of _me_ no less!

That smug smile of hers broadened at the stunned expression on the fire apparition's face, and Hiei's grip on his katana loosened fractionally, giving her enough leeway to manoeuvre her neck out of the line of fire. And then she turned to me, the tilt of her mouth twisting into a condescending smile.

"A mere human girl…" she continued, "Cannot even begin to _imagine_ the hardships that you have faced and overcome in your extensive time in the land of the living- Not like _I_ can anyway."

By now, Hiei had regained control of himself, and he gazed up at his Master in silence, allowing her to have her say first. Out of common courtesy, I was sure.

"_She_ cannot give you the mental, physical and emotional stability that I can. One that has not felt the loving touch of another- We are two halves of the same coin."

I listened with only half an ear to what she was saying, my eyes downcast and my mind rapidly trying to process her words. Hiei had yet to speak up in my defence, and with a sinking heart I wondered if he was being won over by her powerful little speech. I glanced at him, and noticed he wasn't holding himself as rigid as he had been before- His eyes weren't narrowed, and his mouth had softened into a normal line.

"How would her family take it? That their only daughter has fallen in love with a monster; and not _only_ a monster, but one despised by his peers because he is _lower_ than that of a normal monster. The bloodlust that writhes in your veins are mirrored in my own; the coldness of your heart echoes that of my own- The inferiority that consumes you despite your words to the contrary are only intensified in me. _How_ can you expect her to understand? Isn't that a bit cruel on your part?"

'_No.'_

I started to shake my head slowly, staring down at the trembling mess of ligaments and bone in my lap- The digits massaging one an other in strong comforting strokes.

'_No. That's not right at all…'_

Mukuro continued her impassioned speech in a bored monotone, and I didn't even need to look up to know that her face was as dispassionate as always.

"And what about children? Humans aren't known for their ability to carry demonic children in their womb- And what if she does? She will grow to loathe it, just as she will grow to loathe _you_."

I closed my eyes, my head tossing vehemently from side to side- The pace increasing to a speed that caused my hair to fly about in a flurry around my head creating a dark halo of curls.

"No!"

My anguished shout seemed to pour unbidden from my lips, and I clapped a hasty hand over them to still the landslide that threatened to spill out after the first.

Mukuro paused and looked at me. My outburst prodded her along into another rant on my manners.

"See what I mean, Hiei? Humans have _no_ manners- Why, earlier she even threw her plate at me, and when reprimanded, argued her side." Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and I felt myself flinch.

Hiei gazed at me and I was able to see the indecision in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable at that moment, like he wasn't all that sure of the reason for his interference- Despite the fact that it was terribly uncharacteristic of him, I still felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. I needed to reassert my position; I didn't want to lose him this way. That was probably what gave me the courage to speak up for myself.

"You know nothing of my feelings or Hiei's for that matter;" I began, my tone icy and shaking with each word. Whether from anger or fatigue, I couldn't pinpoint. "And you can't be as close as you say if he never told you about me."

Every word infused me with a certain kind of confidence, and I slowly began to push myself to my feet; each movement painful.

"I might not know everything about him- And you're right, I probably couldn't even begin to imagine what he's been through; but whatever has happened has made him into the man I…" here I paused, not quite sure if this was the time to use the 'L' word- It could possibly turn this whole argument against me. "…That I admire, and that I wish to be with. If he wishes to talk to me of his past, then fine. Other than that, what concerns me is his _future_."

I could feel tears of exhaustion and emotional distress burn the back of my eyes, and I blinked them away hard.

"Y-you're being extremely selfish Mukuro- If you really _did_ care as much for him as you say, then you'd place his happiness first instead of your own."

I frowned slightly at her, my words quiet and quickly lacking force and emotion. This whole event was taxing…

Hiei blinked, his lips parted in confusion as I continued to stand my ground. I was _not_ going to lose over a few flowery words that lacked warmth and passion. They were as cold and dead as her heart was.

"I _do_ care about his happiness," she defended after a moment of silence.

"Yeah? So if he said he was happier with me, would you let him go?"

This gave her pause, and her eyes darted back and forth between me and Hiei- But her hesitation spoke louder than the rest of her dialogue.

"See? You want him, and therefore you shall have him regardless of _his_ feelings on the matter. You would have killed me and taken away his chance at being content just to sate your own needs," I accused softly.

"…And what makes you think he'd be happy with a pathetic human like you?" she hissed in return.

I merely offered up a weary smile, switching my gaze from the mechanical woman, to the short man standing adjacent to her. He returned my look steadily, and it looked as if he was holding his breath in anticipation of what I was to say next.

"Has he ever smiled at you?" I asked gently; "Not smirked, but _smiled_- Y'know, when your mouth curves slightly and the emotion reaches your eyes?"

The one that Hiei was currently bestowing upon me for the third time in my life- An almost shy upturn of his lips.

Mukuro kinda…Gaped at Hiei, and I fully expected the bionic woman to screech out something like…'Hiei…Smiling…Cannot compute!' and burst into a gazillion fragments from self-implosion.

Of course, she didn't. Unfortunately. She remained as she was, and Hiei disappeared from her side, only to reappear at mine- With an arm slung around my waist, and an eyebrow raised at Mukuro.

"And…Yeah." I ran out of steam at that point.

"…"

"What?! I don't pull these long as hell speeches outta my _ass_ y'know! I have to _think_ about what I say _before_ I say it!"

Hiei merely grunted, and hefted me up into his arms.

"Wait! I haven't dismissed you yet, Jaganshi!"

I felt the muscles in Hiei's shoulders tense, and he spun around to face Mukuro, his impatience evident.

"Hn. What now?"

She remained silent, obviously trying to come up with a decent enough excuse to keep the both of us here for a while longer.

"You have duties and obligations to fulfil! I won't let you slack off."

I groaned at that. Way to pick on Hiei's weakness- Duty, and obligation. Damn woman.

I expected Hiei to drop me ass-up onto the floor and scurry off to do her bidding, but was pleasantly surprised when he huffed indignantly and began moving off to what I _hoped_ was the exit.

He paused at the chamber doors, and snapped over his shoulder;

"Hn. Then consider this my resignation."

And we both disappeared in a blur of motion- With Mukuro's screams of frustration mixed in with various death threats ringing in our ears and safe in the knowledge that Hiei was truly mine.

* * *

Spirit: I am _so_ sorry for the long-ass wait for the update! My writer's block was horrific, and it took alot of plot discussions with Bish and Blue to get me to finish the product today D I solemnly promise that the updates will be faster now, seeing as I've gotten over this partiuclarly difficult chapter. Thanks to all my fans who've stuck in there with me! 


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** Legally Sane 2: Pyschological Trauma

**Pairings:** Hiei x OC **plus** _Kurama x Botan_ **plus **_Yusuke x Keiko_ **and some unrequited** _Kuwabara x Yukina_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own YYH; I do own Lydia and the story ... As well as any other OCs I might create.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Road rage, or something like it**

"Hiei, do you even know where we're going? You can barely see over my shoulder."

The demon in question didn't bother replying and instead, snorted after tightening his grip around my legs in warning.

I tried again; "Hiei, you're going at like, eighty miles per hour and as I mentioned before, you can't see over my shoulder properly. Perhaps you should slow down before we run someone over."

Again, he refused to answer and instead stepped his ridiculous pace up a notch. The cold wind bit at my face and my body, which already hurt by the way, jarred uncomfortably with his unsteady gait. I managed to peel open an eye to take a gander out our rapidly blurring surroundings and swore.

"TREE! THERE'S A FUCKING TREE! Oh god this is _far_ worse than my car."

And we all know how legendary _that_ hunk of metal was.

The fire apparition side-stepped it at the last moment, snorted again and continued on, blithely ignoring my panicked commentary on every bit of flora and fauna that happened to appear in his path.

It wasn't until he _actually_ stepped on something large that closely resembled a bloody speed-bump that he actually came to a skidding halt a few hundred meters from where we'd encountered it – But only because it had _squalled_ shrilly when he'd trampled over it.

I glanced over Hiei's shoulder, gaped, and then pointed.

"See?! I just _knew_ you'd end up killing some poor soul and I was right! You murdered Kuwabara!"

Hiei turned around slowly and eyed the wreckage he'd left behind with a bland expression.

"That fool's demise was none of my doing," he denied, shifting me higher into his arms. "And if it were, it was his own fault for lying there like a wounded elephant."

Kuwabara chose that moment to look up; face bruised and looking more than a little dazed.

"He's got your boot imprint on his face," I pointed out dryly. "If that's not an indication of who's at fault, I don't know what is."

"Hn. That could have been anyone's boot print."

Clucking my tongue chidingly, I indicated that I wanted to be put down and Hiei obliged after a moment's hesitation, although he didn't seem particularly pleased. I strode on over to where Kuwabara lay prone and nudged his side with my bare toe.

"Oi, Kuwa-chan…You alive down there, buddy, or do I have to inform your next of kin?"

He rolled over with a grunt, popped open an eye and grinned stupidly up at me. I had a feeling his brain might have been affected.

"Oh, Yukina-san! Don't you worry your pretty head over me; I'm just fine!" He paused, reddened significantly and then continued in a more subdued mumble; "A-although the p-p-power of your love could make me f-feel even better!"

Hiei snickered behind me and I cast a baleful glare at him over my shoulder. "What is it with you and breaking people?!" I demanded, turning away to face Kuwabara again when he looped an arm around my ankle. "And would you quit that? I'm not Yukina, I'm _Lydia_. Say it with me; Lee-dee-ah. C'mon champ, it's not that hard." I attempted to shake him off.

"Oaf, where's the fox and the Detective?" Hiei called out, partially drowning out my curses as I continued to _gently_ retract my leg from the carrot-top's clutches.

Hiei's words seemed to act as a magical Kuwabara-Reflex accelerant because I soon found myself on my ass with the taller boy looming over me; posture defensive and expression ugly.

"You ran me over you bastard!" he shrieked, face red and eyes bulging.

"…You just noticed that _now_?" I asked, incredulous. "What the fuck is your skull made out of, dude? Rock?"

"Baka."

"What was that, shrimp?" Kuwabara snarled in reply, taking a menacing step forward. I sighed.

"Have you ever breathed out the side of your neck before?" Hiei asked, switching the subject, or so I thought.

"…No, why?"

"If you don't shut up, you'll find out what it's like."

"Why you…!" Kuwabara continued with his menacing steps until he was almost running, only to trip over a foot materialising from behind a sizeable tree.

"Where the fuck did that bastard go? I'm tellin' ya man, he's gonna get his fat-ass eaten by somethin' and I ain't gonna be the one wadin' through stomach fluids to haul him back o-…Dude. Did I just step in something?"

Yusuke paused and blinked owlishly at the two of us as he fully emerged from the copse behind him, an agitated Kurama in tow.

"I wouldn't say you stepped _in_ something as opposed to you actually stepping _on_ someone." I gestured to the once again, prone body of Kuwabara currently beneath the brunette's feet. "That someone being Kuwa-chan."

"Shit, really?" He glanced down and then choked on a snicker before nimbly stepping to the side, a hand rubbing the back of his head as a sheepish smile curled lips. "My bad, my bad!"

Kuwabara sprang up again like a freaking daisy and grabbed the shorter boy by the front of his shirt. "Are you fuckin' _blind_ Urameshi?! You stepped on me!"

"What were ya doin' lyin' on the floor like a beached whale for_ anyway_, huh?! Did you get'cha ass kicked again?" Yusuke eyed the taller boy suspiciously, pure devilment sparkling in his eyes.

"W-what…No fuckin' way!"

"Actually," I chimed in helpfully as I pushed myself to my feet. "Hiei ran him over."

"If the fool had any brains in that large head of his, he would've moved out of my way _instinctively_," Hiei stated passively, expression bored.

"Oh, so you're actually accepting responsibility now?"

"No. It was the Oaf's responsibility to stay out of my way. He didn't and now has to suffer the consequences."

My shoulders slumped wearily at his logic and I shook my head slowly from side to side.

"I'll never be able to keep up with you."

"Of course not, you're human." He said that like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.

"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious."

Huffing softly, I turned my back on Hiei and beamed a smile at Kurama who was busy trying to act as a mediator between Yusuke and Kuwabara's argument whilst also attempting to remove bits of debris from his hair.

"Kurama!" I called out with a little wave, hoping to gain his attention.

He glanced over at me and matched my smile with a relieved one of his own. Shaking his head ruefully when the argument turned into an all-out brawl, he gracefully stepped around them and made his way over to me.

"Lydia, you're looking…" The fox trailed off, taking in my bloodied appearance.

"Like I've been hit by a truck? Yeah, I know. Thanks for noticing." Kurama had the grace to look slightly guilty. "Don't sweat it, it's not like it isn't true."

The sound of scuffling paused and Yusuke strolled over, victorious, after disentangling himself from Kuwabara's dead weight.

"Yo, Lydia; your nose is crooked."

"Oh really? Well so is your fuckin' sexuality. I saw you with lover-boy over there." I pointed in the direction he'd just come from. "And with fox boy with you, my mind can't even begin to think up various scenarios for a threesome."

Yusuke spluttered incoherently and Kurama, although flushed, shot an almost lascivious grin in both the Detective's and Kuwabara's direction, eyes flashing gold briefly.

"Oh, I don't know. I could probably have thought up some interesting positions."

"Dude, that's _just_ not funny!"

"My body is only for Yukina!" Kuwabara added, then yelped when something solid thunked him in the back of his head. "Who the fuck threw a _rock_ at me?"

Hiei had and he looked positively murderous. I cringed inwardly and decided that it was time for a random topic change.

"My, what nice weather we're having!" I gushed lamely, drawing everyone's attention to the sky.

A fork of lightning erupted in all its electrical glory from between a pair of horrendously dark clouds and pierced the trunk of a tree a few feet away from where we stood. I jumped and laughed uneasily when everyone turned to stare at me.

"…What? You don't agree?"

They continued to stare in silence. I huffed softly and turned my back on them.

"Assholes."

Kurama cleared his throat and smiled benignly. "Well, I won't ask for details, so how about we go home?"

Everyone grunted their agreement and before I could even bother to voice mine, I was once again swept up into Hiei's arms. I eyed him questioningly.

"You're not wearing shoes."

No, no I wasn't. I didn't say anything when he started running, even though I worried that Kuwabara might not be able to keep up, toward the assigned pick-up point. My arms wrapped around the fire apparition's neck and I buried my face in his chest. My body _still_ hurt but despite this, his pace was slowly but surely, lulling me to sleep and a few minutes later, my eyes finally closed.

I was going home.

* * *

**Spirit:** Yes, I'm alive! Somewhat. Work and life seem to take up so much of my time these days that I can't seem to find a moment to sit down and _write_. That and I had an eighteen month writer's block which was a pain in my kidneys. No, not my ass, my kidneys. This chapter was horrendously short and not much really went on except Kuwabara getting stepped on. I hope you're not too disappointed

On a lighter note, this story _will_ be finished - I predict that there'll be another two chapters (as the action was over and done with between chapters 6 and 7) and I'm seriously considering shoving something citrusy (probably a lemon, 'cause I know you're all gagging for one) in the last chapter. If I'm feeling particularly generous, I might add a bonus chapter as an epilogue. Maybe.

I'd also like to thank the reviewers who stuck with me and kept pestering me to update xD I know I'm a bad author for leaving you hanging for so long. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer!

Until next time!


End file.
